About a little more than two years ago I was still holding onto hope
that my situation would improve. My wife and I had been separated several times,
but somehow always managed to get back together-usually after making
promises of trying harder to give up the countless carbs and tons of
sugar and ice cream. Then suddenly, and out of the blue she just gave
up-threw her arms up and quit! No, not just quit-she told me under no
uncertain terms that she was tired of trying to lose weight, that it was
too hard, that she liked carbs, sugar, ice cream, cheese, and fatty
foods and the way they all made her feel, that they made her feel good
and she needed that, and she wasn’t going to try to stop eating anymore;
and if I didn’t like it, that was just too bad-that I could get a
divorce because she was never gonna change and she just couldn’t
understand why I couldn’t just love her unconditionally the was she was.
So that’s when I threw in the towel and filed for divorce. She later
told me that she didn’t think I would seriously do it, until the day she
was served the papers.
Fast forward-about six months after the divorce while visiting a
friend I bumped into a gorgeous gal. It was like a bolt out of the
blue-love at first site! I had never felt anything quite like it before
except for maybe my first true love when I was sixteen(I almost married
her when she turned 18, but her parents had other plans.) I had been
casually dating since the divorce, but I honestly thought it would take
several years to find someone I would be able to marry. Anyhow, the rest
is as they say, history. We were married several months ago and both
are quite happy. We are still in the honeymoon phase, but I think we are
both fairly well grounded in the marriage. Of course, we each have our
own peculiarities, but we are so much alike in so many ways-it just
plain works. What is really wonderful is that I now have a spouse who
“gets it.” She understands me and she knows why I divorced my ex(My ex
made certain of that, as she had to tell my bride rather bluntly, “He
divorced me for no other reason than I just got fat!”. Boy, was my ex
surprised when my bride told her she already knew that and had no
problem with it, because she knew what it took to make a man happy and
she was willing to do what it takes-namely, to take care of herself.)
I wish I could tell you that it was all a bed of roses, but that
would be a lie. divorce is never really easy, especially when kids are
involved, but I can honestly say that for the first time in a very long
time I am truly happy. I have a few more years before my youngest child
will be out of the house, so there re bound to be concerns. About the
only regret I have presently is that I didn’t do the divorce sooner. I
really don’t think I did my children any favors by delaying the
inevitable as long as I did. They later admitted to me that they knew
all along that their mother and I had been having problems for a long
time and that we were basically staying together just for them. The
hardest part is not being physically close(in distance) to them as I was
before my remarriage. So maybe, it would have been better to have
waited to remarry for the sake of my children? I don’t know. Sometimes
though, before you can properly take care of others, you need to first
take care of yourself.
Presently, I suppose I’m feeling a little like Jean Valjean from
Les Misérables who’s prison sentence was nearly the same length as my
term in fat hell-almost 20 years. Not that my entire marriage was a
living hell, there were many happy memories too-my children, for
instance. But, I sometimes wonder how it might have been more joy filled
had I not had to deal with the addictions with which my wife suffered
and struggled so greatly. It certainly would be a different tale to
tell-It probably would not have ended in divorce. Though, this is not
the end, only a new beginning. Well, at least for me it is.
Now, for those who struggle with these things, if you be the one
who suffers, the spouse of an obese partner, you have my empathy-and if
you be the obese spouse-my sympathy. I think I can speak for a few
others hear as well, you have theirs too. I would not like to see any
divorce, with but few exceptions. Marriage can be hard enough on its
own, however, gluttony and obesity are matters that weigh on the
relations between a man and a woman in ways which no other can. If sex
is to be the barometer of a healthy marriage as some have advocated,
then I can think of little else within the control of most sane adults
that could be more damaging and damning than willfully allowing oneself
to become obese to the degree in which natural sexual relations become
greatly frustrated, or nearly impossible altogether.
This is a great problem that is plaguing much of the world,
affecting millions. The solutions appear to be rather plain to most who
are educated in these matters, however, those choices that must be made
on a daily, even a constant bases, apparently are not so easy for many. I
would add that I think choices themselves are not so difficult, rather
it’s the “doing” part that seems to cause many grief. So, the way may
not be easy-only it will be worth it. Unfortunately, it is often a hard
thing to accept the fact that with it comes to obesity within a
marriage, or any relationship for that matter, the ultimate
responsibility is on each individual. It took me many years to finally
get that-that I could not make my wife eat better, or exercise, or even
loose one single ounce of fat-that ultimately, in the end it was her
choice. The only power I had, other than offering my support, was
deciding what I was going to do about the situation.
Now you know the rest of the story(or at least the juicy part),
but it’s not over yet by any means. Life will go on just as surely as
the sun will rise tomorrow, but where we are when it does largely
depends on the choices we make today.
Posted by
Mojo on
Matilda Tuesday's
