I don't think that a fat partner considers weight gain to be a personal failure.
It's due to children, stress, no time for working out, no time to cook healthy meals because of the kids soccer practice, a bad marriage, a horrible boss, an awful job, emotional issues, age related, I was molested (and BTW pretty much everyone was at some point!), I don't feel loved, I don't know HOW to lose weight, diets don't work, I have a thyroid problem, my medication makes me gain weight, or any other excuse you can attach to it.
But it is rarely because I eat too much, I eat too many (donuts, cheeseburgers, pizza, etc), I don't exercise, or anything else that might resemble personal responsibility.
I don't think I agree with a spouse having the right to walk out without saying a word though...I think it is owed to the spouse to inform them of the reasons for ending the marriage, and if the fat spouse wants to make changes, great! But those changes would have to be immediately implement with an agreed upon deadline for at least SOME changes. If not, see ya! Life's too short! That's just me though. If the fat spouse doesn't give a $hit or is too lazy to do what it takes then you're banging your head against a brick wall. I think a spouse owes it to the other to be honest and let them know how they feel, but if after that they refuse to do anything about the situation - whatever it is, not just weight - well, then let the chips fall where they may.
As for marriage, I find it interesting that when two people decide to marry it's all about emotions & feelings. That's fantasy land. Feelings fade - guaranteed. What must be left is a shared vision for life, mutual respect and some attraction. Yet, when a couple decides to divorce and one says "I don't love you anymore" people don't want to hear that! Marriage is no longer about "emotions & feelings" it's now its about responsibility, commitment, and promising to spend your life with someone FOREVER - REGARDLESS of how you feel!!! Yuck. And on top of it all the government gets to dictate all the details of a couple's divorce where it pertains to money & children - basically the two most important aspects of marriage. I honestly think marriage sucks and am reluctant to ever enter into another. IMHO. Probably only invented for the purpose of raising children. But really, who can last an ENTIRE lifetime with the same person, especially when issues like these arise. You can't control another person, and if they refuse to change, even knowing how adversely something they are doing is affecting the other, then you're SOL and stuck with them simply because of a contract? No. Thanks.
People need to think long and hard before entering into such a union. It's not for the faint of heart.
posted by LiveLifeWell