Quite a Journey

Yes, this is quite a journey - not only reclaiminng my once fit and attractive body but analyzing my estranged husband's treatment of me as a result of putting on an extraordinary amount of weight - 60 lbs. So far I have lost 15 of it and am very motivated to keep going. Not only for health reasons, and obvious self-esteem benefits but because it is simply something I need to do

I guess I would be more understanding of my husband's position if he had approached the whole issue in a more compassionate and understanding way. His approach has only been very obnoxious and mean-spirited. The nasty looks and very gruff treatment of me when he has brought this up has been very unpleasant.

And while I am certainly not obtuse and realize that you cannot gain a lot of weight and walk around saying "well I am married and take it or leave it" or "well if you loved me you would accept me for how I am". I am fully aware that these are mere copouts said by the overweight person as a demand that their spouse should just be okay with a huge weight gain.

I know I would not be too happy if the shoe were on the other foot and my husband had gotten fat. And again, the problem us heavy-weights must understand is that it is a horse of a different color if the weight gain is beyond one's control and/or from medical reason. Not from personal lack of self-control or will power.

I know in my heart that I will lose every single solitary pound of my weight gain but not for anyone else, but for me.

I only wish my husband had been more loving throughout the process instead of treating me like I have Leprosy.

I don't think I will ever fully manage to rid myself of the memory of his looking at another SLIM woman and when I told him how I felt he said "well, if you weren't heavy I wouldn't have to look" In his mind he was justified !

Good luck to everyone out there ! 

Posted by Just1229 on the My Fat Spouse forum.

New Trousers Again!

Personally, I agree with the Fat Acceptance Movement in some regards. I agree that obese people are treated poorly almost everywhere and looked down but I do not believe that the media is fat-hater or just that there is some kind of conspiracy against the fat or whatever.

I do not agree that one can't lose weight because of genetics or hormones. My mother is an endocrinologist and she has treated many patients with that hypothyroidism have succesfully lost weight and kept it off. If this disease is controlled, there is nothing to stop you from losing weight. Same with diabetes. I also do not believe that losing weight is hating yourself and that it won't bring any health benefits whatsoever at all. And I could carry on, but anyway...

I am 20 years old and have yo-yo'ed the whole of my life. I deeply regret this now because I would easily lose 30-60 pounds and every time I would put on the weight back I would put even more on! And now I wish I would have never done this to start with. It has taken me a long time to understand that losing weight is not something temporary but it's for life. And I am working on that. I've lost 35 lbs and have about 55 lbs more to go.. but I have been losing it really slowly. It has taken me about 6 months to get to where I am but I have never starved myself or deprived myself or anything. I just went to do something realistic that I could stick to. I walk more now and just eat a little less. Not hard at all once your body gets used to it. I do still slip sometimes but I never allow myself not to get back up again.

I decided to lose weight because it was affecting the quality of my life. I felt like there was so much I wanted to do but couldn't because I was so damn fat. And I was in a lot of denial, thinking that I was just fine and wasn't that fat at all (until I saw my pics and couldn't believe it was me!) I also believed that my health was perfectly fine even though I had started to get knee pain and stuff, would almost die when going up the stairs, couldn't run etc. But I also found out that my insulin was really really high and my blood sugars slightly high. I have corrected this and I am so happy.

I went to the shops the other day because I needed new trousers (again) and was so delighted when I had dropped another size. It feels truly amazing.

Anyway, hope you enjoy the site. In here, you will find many resources for weight-loss.

posted by  Fat Girl on the My Fat Spouse Forum

How are you going to lose the Holiday 10?

This may be a little late, but keep it in mind for next year!

Ever wonder how it's possible for so many Americans to put on a fast ten pounds during the course of the holiday season? We all see it happen to ourselves or others we know year after year, and it culminates in the same results: people are left dumbfounded wondering how they did this much damage in such record time. First, let's define the term "holiday season." For most of us, the holiday season is the 6-week period starting with Thanksgiving and ending on January 2nd. That's when we all go back to work and tell all our friends that the crash diet starts now. One of the questions I've recieved countless times from clients is "How did this happen?" Let's take a few minutes to discuss the hows and whys in hopes of preventing the Holiday 10 from happening to you. The 4-Day Rule

After reviewing hundreds of client's food journals, the results are overwhelming: every day of this 6-week period is being mistaken for the actual holiday. The hard and fast rule I live by for this time period is that, in theory, there are really only four days in which you should indulge in holiday goodies. These are Thanksgiving Day, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, and New Year's Eve. I choose these days specifically because they will most likely be the days you either host or attend parties. What most Americans (and most of my clients) do, whether it's subconsciously or consciously, is treat every single day of this 6-week period as one gigantic binge session where no food is off limits. Even worse, the idea of portion control has been thrown out the window. This catastrophic chain of events causes additional fat to pile on faster than Victoria Beckham's last dose of lip collagen. And this is certainly easy to do if you don't pay attention.

Questions for the Intellectually Honest

For the past 30 years or more Americans have gotten fatter and fatter and fatter and there seems to be no end in sight is spite of the fact that there is a multi billion dollar weight loss industry and a national weight loss frenzy.

Obviously when you look at the dismal numbers we can see that in spite of the billions dollars spent nothing seems to be working. That being the case I have some questions for anyone wanting to share their thoughts with me.

Obviously overweight people over eat. Agree? Disagree? Why?

Eating is a conscience behavior. Agree? Disagree? Why?

The laws of physics ie conservation of mass apply to human bodies. Agree? Disagree? Why?

Most people who try to lose weight and keep it off fail. Agree? Disagree? Why?

Dieters rarely continue to do the things to lose weight and keep it off. Agree? Disagree? Why?

Is that fact that most dieters fail to lose weight and keep it off and make the lifestyle changes a matter of CAN'T or is it a matter of won't.

Your thoughts?


posted by M2 on the My Fat Spouse Forum

A Change in Attitude

Posted by Rick Dorey on The My Fat Spouse Forum

I read here how the one that is in good shape or health often feels like giving up on their spouse. In the stories you see that it was a change that came over time and often that the "skinny" spouse is no longer in love or even no longer sexually attracted to their spouse.

That is usually followed by statements like I can talk to them about their weight problem and I can't take it much longer. Well Matilda asked me to share my story. I weighed in at 300 lbs and my wife and I have been married for 34 years this year. We are deeper in love with each other then we have ever been. But not for the reason that I lost over 100 lbs and continue to work on it. That all happened in this past year.

No the reason was is that we know that obesity is not the fault of the person that is effected by it. You see our food industry is as much at fault as any "fat spouse". There of course are circumstance that add gradually to the situation. Mine was sleep apnea which dumps chemicals into your body that causes weight retention raises blood pressure. Then the doctor put me on blood pressure meds that slowed the possibility of weight loss. Over time I went from 185 to 300. It wasn't overnight. It did not go unnoticed by me. It just kept coming no matter what I did.

Before I finally found something that worked, I had been to several doctors, cut my calories to around 2000 a day and exercised at a gym 3 times a week. Still with no success. My doctor wanted to add even more meds for the blood pressure and slow down any possibility for weight loss. I had no energy and my body hurt every day when I got up. Obesity is an illness, it is not just lack of will power. It is also becoming the number 1 killer in America. So sweeping it under the rug in our homes won't work either.

We need to change our attitude. We need to stop worrying about being politically correct with our spouses. It needs to be ok to say "I love you and want you around for the rest of my life, what can I do to help make it possible?" But it is never time to condemn or point fingers. Remember when you stop loving someone for the way they look it is because they are a spiritual mirror. You see something in your life that isn't being taken care of or isn't what it should be. When you point fingers at someone there are three more coming back.

For those of you about to give up on your Fat spouse ask this question. Would I give up on them if they had been crippled in a car accident or was dying from a terminal disease? Or would I stick by their side and love them and support them? Would you encourage them to keep going or would you walk out the door? It is a choice that shows a depth of love. Why does weight have any different feel to it?

That is enough for now to get me hammered pretty good for my first post. But let me finish with this. You can love and inspire those in your lives that you care about to change. It is a inspiration process though and not a shame process.

Rick
rick@coachtolose.com

Rick's Blog

Fat Men, Fat Women and Relationships

So it's rare on TV and such to see shows that pair an obese woman with a thin, muscular, hot man. But it's pretty common (as Smallwife said) to see shows where an obese man is paired with a fit, hot wife. Starting with the Honeymooners back in the 50's, and now we've recently seen it in shows like King of Queens and Family Guy (which is a cartoon, I know, but still...). It's an odd thing. Usually if there's a fat wife in a show, she is also paired with a fat husband (Rosanne is a good example, although not recent).

I know TV is fiction and can't possibly reflect real life, but I see a double standard. I'm not saying the evil patriarchy has anything to do with it or anything like that, it's just an interesting thing I've noticed about our pop culture. That it's somehow more okay for a man to be fat than a woman.

To me, a fat man is just as unappealing as a fat woman. Some people seem to think that fat men are like "teddy bears" or are "more cuddly." I tend to disagree.

Why I Chose Fitness

The Buddhist Mortician posted her story on the My Fat Spouse Forum

I was a fat kid of divorced parents, both of whom, went out of their ways to model how to hate life. They were not happy people. I can honestly say I never saw either of them having fun when they weren't drunk or eating something. When they were sober, it was gloom, gloom, gloom... my mother died of cancer when I was 10, and I'm convinced her disordered eating (I rarely saw her eat, and I recall her being very slender, but I know from photographs that she was occasionally chubby) and her frantic, three-job lifestyle directly contributed to her death. My father hung in there until I was 26, but sleep apnea, undiagnosed diabetes, and cardiovascular insufficiency finally killed him as well. They died at 46 and 63, respectively-- too darn young.

Loving life and loving yourself are skills which must be modeled for a child to internalize them. I honestly grew up thinking that it was foolish and deluded to be optimistic about the future. All things led to decay and death, with no way out except patience... why not destroy yourself and get it over with quicker? So I drank.

I was the Fat Spouse

I was the 'fat spouse', although my dh has had a bit of a gut, even when we married. I was a 115 lb size 3. After a couple of kids, I gave myself license to balloon to a 190 lb size 18 (I'm 5'2" with a medium, muscular frame). This has been over a course of an 18 year marriage. My oldest is a teen now.

In the last year, I quit making excuses and kicked my dependence on food and have lost 60 lbs. Even though I'm 130 lbs, I'm a size 4 and a lot more muscular than I was at 18, so getting back to 115 may not be possible (carrying around extra weight made my bones denser maybe? or gave me more muscle?). I'd like to shred down a little more; maybe lose 5-7 lbs.

Anyways, I lift weights, do interval training, biking, Crossfit and I love running which I do 3-4 days a week.

On the rare occasions over the course of my marriage when dh would complain about my weight, I'd cry and do the 'but don't you love me for me...blah, blah, blah.' I started reading Dr. Laura and what she said in one of her books to a woman who thought her husband should be understanding about NEVER getting sex was, "Why should your husband be sanguine about the lack of intimacy in your marriage? Why did you two get married?!" So when my dh said, "Am I going to eventually have to roll you around in a wheelchair? I didn't sign up for this!" it hit me. I heard Dr. Laura's voice saying, "Why should your dh be sanguine about the fact that you're a glutton and a cow?"