She just doesn't do what it takes

I feel so relieved having found this support group, because that is basically what this is. Let me introduce myself. I am a 59 yr old recently retired civil servant, who used to work in Europe. I now live part-time in the Philippines and the rest of the time in Europe. I have been married for 5 yrs to a 34 yr old woman who used to be gorgeous, but has, since I met her, got ever fatter and fatter. It is not that she overeats or even eats all the wrong things. In her case it is probably hormonal (contraceptive pill, gave it up 2 yrs ago, but never recovered from it). What gets me in her case is her inablility or lack of willingness to work out properly to get rid of the fat. She is so damn economical with her energy. When I go to the gym I always do the maximum, she - if she goes - will do the minimum. And there are always excuses: she's got a cold, she got her menstruation, she's got a stiff neck, with complications, She is tired, whatever. And maybe some of these excuses are legitimate, but over the years I have grown tired of all the non-starters. There was the jogging she would do to fight the increasing bulge, there was the Billy Blanks bootcamp work-out which would bring salvation, there was the punch bag that she would happily use to build up muscles and stamina, there was the treadmill we bought at her behest, there was the disco dancing group that would transform her (and my) life, there were the fitness club memberships which did not bring the eagerly (by me) anticipated results, there is the personal fitness trainer who failed miserably where others failed too. And why? Because she just doesn't do what it takes, she lacks the follow-through, she just doesn't have the single-minded dogged determination that is essential to go from fat to fit. She will not put in the hard work. I am a little bit qualified to judge a case like this. Most of my life I have been overweight myself. Been there, done that. There isn't a diet I haven't tried. I have been mostly unsuccessful (but at least I really tried), until I came across the leptin diet, as advocated by Byron and Mary Richards in their book "Mastering Leptin". Following their five principles (in my case eating brown rice, fish, fruit and vegetables) in combination with some serious work at the gym 5 to 6 times a week, has made all the diference. My wife has always been a bit wishy-washy about any diet and exercise advice I give her. I suppose she is fed up with the whole thing too. Unfortunatedly she will not stick doggedly to a routine. She now weighs in at around 170 pounds (at 5' 4"), which is just an estimate, coz I can't get her to weigh herself. She is sick of it herself. It destroys, or at least puts a heavy damper on our sex life, as you can well imagine. She keeps asking me if I love her, a sure sign of insecurity: the fatter they become, the more emotionally needy they are. Certainly, I care for her, but where I never used to fantasize about other women, I now do. She has lost so much of her sex-appeal. I mean she looks like a small sumo wrestler! Anyway, it was nice to get this of my chest and share these experiences with other people who are in a similar situation. I hope that my positive experience with the leptin diet can be of help to others. The great thing about that way of life - coz it is not really a diet - is that you lose all your urges to snack and binge. I never eat between meals anymore. I never touch anything but proper food. I just don't feel the need to eat junk anymore, no willpower involved, and by the way I do not need any alcohol anymore either. Good luck!
Posted by "Fitthen" on the My Fat Spouse Forum

Does PCOS cause weight gain?

Saying that thyroid issues and PCOS CAUSE weight gain, may be true, but that's usually cause you're in a loop. I really believe that the majority of PCOS and thyroid issues are brought on in large part by weight gain.

The problem with western medicine is that people forget everything is organically interconnected in the body. If you throw one system out of whack it causes a chain reaction. And weight is very closely tied in with hormones, as are what types of foods you eat, which can be tied in with weight. If you're sensitive to certain hormonal issues, simple carbs are not your friend and will exacerbate any existing predisposition you might have.

By the same token, getting blood sugar under control with a healthy diet and exercise, often does wonders for hormones that were thrown out of whack by the same things. I was told if I got PCOS it was irreversible beeause it was a "syndrome" but I did a lot of research and found women who'd changed their entire lifestyle who no longer had PCOS. And if you have absolutely no symptoms of a disease how can you really have that disease in any more than a "superstition" capacity.

Type 2 diabetes is also possible to reverse with extreme lifestyle changes. But some doctors don't even acknowledge this. While a few others who've seen it happen, do.

I think the problem with acting like an illness brought on largely by lifestyle is "irreversible" is that it makes people think: "why bother, I already screwed up" It takes away hope, and that often takes away motivation.

I fully acknowledge that some people have screwed up hormones that they themselves didn't create through weight gain. So I know some people get PCOS before they ever gain weight and then the PCOS causes weight gain, for me...getting to "borderline PCOS" it was the reverse...the weight gain screwed up my hormones.

Also, the first doctor I went to about the hormone stuff, she told me she could tell "just by looking at me" that I had PCOS because I had some symptoms and where my weight gain was and that I needed to lose weight. She said this while being at LEAST 100 pounds overweight.

Needless to say I switched doctors. And the new doctor actually performed the blood work and the ultrasound necessary to diagnose me and I had symptoms but I didn't actually have the type of cysts that make PCOS, PCOS so it was determined I was borderline. I knew I needed to lose weight, but at least I didn't have an obese doctor telling me to do it.

posted by Yoga Nut on the My Fat Spouse Forum