Suffocating Others With Food

I have a problem with food. I know this. I don't buy dessert because I know I can't just have one. I can turn food down at work. But what's up with people who just won't take "no" for an answer? In my opinion, it should be considered very rude to offer something more than 4 times in the same minute to the same person. Some of these people will not stop no matter what. It happens all the time and it makes me angry as hell.

For example, today, another teacher and I were leading the foreign language remedial class. We took a break after an hour, and she offered everyone chocolate croissants. I said "no thanks" and took an orange instead. She WOULD NOT let it go. She kept pestering me and trying to talk me into it and poking that frigging chocolate croissant in my face. We must've went back and forth, offering-refusing, at least 12 times. All the students were staring at that point. I took it because I was embarrassed and felt our shared authority as adults going down. Worse yet, I told her I was trying really hard to lose weight and be healthier a few hours before when the subject randomly came up. As she was literally shoving that thing at me, she kept saying that it won't hurt me and that all I have to do is eat a lighter dinner and that I'm not fat anyway. What gets to me is that it happens all the time, everywhere.

Do these people think they are being nice? Why would you disrespect another person by stepping all over her personal choices and ignoring her wishes when it comes to her own body? She also made me take all the left over croissants home with me "because I am new in town and really need a treat". Again, she did it in front of the students so I took it silently. Threw them into the first garbage can on my way from school. What if I tried to force tobacco unto people?

I actually have taken to telling people things like, "I know what cake tastes like," or "I've eaten cookies before," as well as that old chesnut, "I don't need it - I'm sweet enough already!" paired with a big, cheesy smile.

I try not to get too upset about it. It seems like a weird, cultural thing here in the US, that food = love and that refusing food = refusing love.

If in your position, however, I might actually talk to the person in private sometime, tell her that while you feel her intent was to be nice, it actually made you feel bad and that she was being pushy, and that in the future you'd appreciate her taking no for an answer, and not pushing it on you like a crack dealer. A lot of people just don't understand that folks like us can't "just have one" without wanting 10 after it so we just avoid our trigger foods. Sugar is a huge trigger for me, so I avoid it. I've had coworkers try to force me to eat a donut. Sometimes I really do want a donut, too, but I have a hard time stopping once I've started. It's a huge thing, and a lot of people don't understand.



I actually used to be close to morbidly obese (over 200 lbs. at my heaviest and I'm 5 feet tall) so people who knew me then and are still obese I think have a harder time relating to me these days because so much about my attitude and philosophies has changed. I no longer nosh on junk with them or sit doing passive activities with them, because I hate sitting on my butt too long. I mean, I like to watch a movie or hockey game here and there (I love hockey and think it's the perfect marriage of athleticism and finesse), but I don't have movie-thons or sit and watch television or play video games all day anymore like I used to with some of my fatter friends. I still love my friends and they know the invitation is open should they want to come to the other side, lol...but I see less and less of these people because we have less and less in common anymore because of my life changes - I caught the bus and they haven't yet I suppose. I guess you could equate it to someone who has drinking buddies and stops or drastically cuts down their drinking - of course you would see less and hear less from the drinking buddies if they know you don't like to party hardy anymore...it also makes you see who your real friends are. Those who only had common activities with you and not much else.

Most of my family isn't hardcore about junk food - there IS junk food around at gatherings, but I've never had it pushed on me by my family if I didn't want to eat it. In fact there are at least a few relatives happy that I bring things like hummus and veggies or fruit plates to family potlucks so their digestive tracts won't be too clogged with cheese and grease later...hehe. It's always work/professional situations where I run into the junkfood pushers. Of course, these people don't actually know me in a personal sense so they have no idea what I've been through with all this...my disordered eating patterns over my lifetime, binges, self-loathing and depression...which is why I chose to change and still choose to keep those changes up. They don't appreciate all that someone like us has been through to reclaim our lives and say that food is for fuel, and we should feed ourselves what we NEED as opposed to always giving in to what we WANT. You know, self-discipline.

And I don't know about you guys, but as someone who has been a bad-food consumer and then cut it out, I find that I feel like CRAP if I eat more than just a tiny bit of it anyway. To these people they think it's all about me not liking how I look, so give the stupid little "slimming tips" like "eat a lighter dinner." Compared to what these people probably normally eat for dinner, my dinner is already pretty damn light! I would rather eat REAL food and feel fully satisfied nutritionally (and as we all know it makes a huge difference) than eat crap and skimp on real food later to make up for the calories...

Also, I do allow myself a small indulgence here and there, but I like it to be on my terms, so that I can both control how much and when, but also indulge in something I really LIKE as well. It's planned, it's controlled by ME, and I like any dessert I indulge in to be high-quality (made from all-natural ingredients, no HFCS, preservatives, etc...like a freshly made piece of pie from the health food store's bakery for instance instead of a stupid donut or pastry from the supermarket which is loaded with artificial crap).


This post was cobbled together using bits and pieces from this thread on the My Fat Spouse forum.

Confessions of a COE

Written by "Jean" for myfatspouse.com

The other day Shep and I started wrestling around on the bed in play. I'm a lot smaller than he is, but that doesn't really matter much - a wife can figure out all sorts of devious ways to give as good as she gets in such areas: I take advantage of my lower center of gravity, and I know all the most sensitive tickle spots.

Left breathless by our spirited play, we finally fell back on the bed, panting slightly and enjoying the sound of the Saturday afternoon rain on the window. After a bit, Shep pulled me close, kissed my forehead, and whispered in my ear, "This is the wife I dreamed of."

Less than a year ago, I was nearly as far from Shep's "dream wife" - from the woman he had thought he was marrying - as it was possible to get. At six feet one inch tall, Shep weighs 200 pounds; at five feet four inches tall, I outweighed him by eight pounds (that was my all-time high, and I pray earnestly for the strength to prevent that from ever happening again). In addition to this (as if that wasn't enough!), I was an emotional basket case, a nervous wreck, and a nagging shrew with a self-esteem that was right up there with pond scum. My health was poor, my energy-level was at "E," and I accomplished almost nothing outside work (and had trouble at work, as well). Why would an intelligent woman do this to herself, to her husband? Why would she behave in a manner that would threaten her marriage and her very life?

Hi. My name is Jean, and I am a compulsive eater. What is compulsive eating disorder, you ask? Compulsive eaters feel incapable of controlling how much or how often they eat. They may feel unable to stop eating, eat very fast, eat when they're not hungry, eat only when they're alone, or eat nearly non-stop throughout the day. Compulsive eaters often over-indulge in sugary or starchy foods and use them in an attempt to elevate their moods. When they don't eat the foods they crave, they often experience severe withdrawal symptoms (like headaches, shakiness, sugar "crashes," and more). It is an eating disorder that gets a lot less attention than bulimia or anorexia, but one which, I suspect, is a lot more prevalent in our society today.

Why do people become compulsive eaters? Well, there are a million reasons, and sometimes maybe even no reason at all. I'm sure you've heard the phrase, "It's not what you're eating; it's what's eating you." That can be part of it - bingeing can produce a "high" or "buzz" from the release of endorphins into the brain which becomes a coping mechanism for people dealing with stress, anxiety, or the aftermath of life with a dysfunctional family. It tends to run in families, but not always. It can be a physical addiction similar to nicotine addiction, where sugary and/or starchy foods produce a similar calming effect that requires ever-larger quantities of food to maintain. Either way, it is a progressive, destructive addiction, leading to many problems both physical and emotional.

Shep didn't know I was a compulsive eater when I married him. I'm ashamed to say that I kept it from him. In my defense, I can only offer that I had really only just figured it out myself, and I had hopes that I could control it on my own and keep it out of our life together. My poor eating habits had begun in childhood and my weight had yo-yoed up and down over the years. By the time I met Shep (at twenty-five), I began to realize something was not right about the way I viewed food. People without weight problems did not obsess about it the way I did. Normal people didn't lock themselves in their rooms with a book, and use a bag of chips or a box of cookies to escape life's problems. People often say, "Diets don't work." Well, that's not true: diets do work if you follow them and your goal is to lose weight. If, however, you are COE (compulsive overeater), they won't work to keep the weight off because you're only addressing part of the problem; what you need is a lifestyle change. To a COE, going on a diet alone would be like a person with bronchitis taking cough medicine, but no antibiotics - she's treating a symptom of the problem and not the problem itself.