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Thursday, May 16, 2013

Why divorce is NOT out of the question.

Now before i begin this post i want to make the intentions behind it clear. I am not saying with this post that people just up and leave straight away the second a problem arises. Everyone on this site has shown they love their spouse. Yes they are greatly annoyed and disapointed by their partners behaviour and what they have allowed themselves to become with self destructive ways eg: Overweight, lower physical attraction, aswell as changes in moods and characteristics for the worse etc, but still love them and want the best for them. This post is an anaolgy for those who have, after all of their efforts, found themselves right back where they started, no improvements, and hearing more excuses. This is too show that in the end, sometimes a relationship just can't continue. Some people will feel guilty because they feel 'shallow' that they want to leave because of lower physcial attraction, but dont accept or listen to themselves and hear the whole story their heart is telling them, and see the other ramifications that come along from their spouses behaviour, as they are so afraid that they may 'be a bad person' for their feelings.. As i wrote in another post, not looking after physcial attraction causes a normal human response to find the person less attractive. Therefore sex lives suffer, frustration builds, resentment can build, also the fat partners behaviour can change the fat partners personality for the worse as their laziness continues to set in and become their norm etc Some people find that after so much effort of trying to help their partner and finding nothing has worked, they realise their partner no longer does the one main thing that partners and friends are there to do for our lives: Make it better. And sometimes things just realistically can't continue, behaviour and habits can not be tolerated and it is not selfish to decide it is not how you want to live anymore, it is selfish for the fat spouse (aswell as fat militants and those who accuse you of 'shallowness (even though their opinion is irrelevant, they at the end of the day aren't in the relationship, you are), to expect a relationship to always be there when they put no effort into keeping the spark and passion alive, looking after themselves, and allowing self destructive behaviour to become more important to them then looking after their relationship.
After all this, here is an analogy to show why, in the end, sometimes you have to say 'Enough!' Think of this: A mother and father have a child. This child is their pride and joy, makes them smile and happy, theiry child is happy, they are the light of each others lives. Then the child grows older and falls in with the wrong crowd, and finds itself getting involved in more and more bad behaviour. The police are constantly ringing home telling the parents 'we have your child', and the parents, although they love the child, will grow increasingly frustrated, and wonder 'just what went wrong'. All attempts at helping the child to stop their destructive behaviour are in vain. Nothing works not matter what and eventually the parents are at their wits end. They are at the edge. They love their child as parents do, but they miss with all their heart, the person who made them smile, the happy, fun child they once had, who has been replaced by a social deviant and troublemaker, who has no intention to change. Who is now ruining their lives, making live miserable. Then one day the police phone the house saying 'Your child is in deep trouble again', and the parents say 'I'm sorry, but we have tried to often to help. We can't take anymore. They are on their own'. This analogy is actually what has hapened in real life with parents and young troublmakers. This has happened many times, and some parents although they love their child have been pulled so far over the edge they have even said 'I'm sorry, i don't have a child' when they are contacted for the hundreth time by the police. I hope you understand this analogy. Remember this is REAL LIFE. Relationships take effort and work from both sides. they are not something to be taken for granted. People who dont look after themselves must realise this. Some people just seem to think their partner owes them the relationship, but relationships are equal partnerships and both people need to pull their weight. This is the real world, with real people, with real human limits to what they can take. And if a partner doesn't care enough to look after their relationship, they have no-one else to blame when the other finally says 'Enough!' (And no i'm not comparing spouses to criminals, to anyone who may not understand the analogy means no matter how close your bond is with someone eg husband and wife, parent and child etc, ALL people have human limits, and like the parents in the analogy, they love their child, but the destructive behaviour can no longer be tolerated, and no help has gotten through, so they must say 'we can't put up with this anymore')

A101 posted this on the My Fat Spouse Forum

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