Posted by Rick Dorey on The My Fat Spouse Forum
I read here how the one that is in good shape or health often feels like giving up on their spouse. In the stories you see that it was a change that came over time and often that the "skinny" spouse is no longer in love or even no longer sexually attracted to their spouse.
That is usually followed by statements like I can talk to them about their weight problem and I can't take it much longer. Well Matilda asked me to share my story. I weighed in at 300 lbs and my wife and I have been married for 34 years this year. We are deeper in love with each other then we have ever been. But not for the reason that I lost over 100 lbs and continue to work on it. That all happened in this past year.
No the reason was is that we know that obesity is not the fault of the person that is effected by it. You see our food industry is as much at fault as any "fat spouse". There of course are circumstance that add gradually to the situation. Mine was sleep apnea which dumps chemicals into your body that causes weight retention raises blood pressure. Then the doctor put me on blood pressure meds that slowed the possibility of weight loss. Over time I went from 185 to 300. It wasn't overnight. It did not go unnoticed by me. It just kept coming no matter what I did.
Before I finally found something that worked, I had been to several doctors, cut my calories to around 2000 a day and exercised at a gym 3 times a week. Still with no success. My doctor wanted to add even more meds for the blood pressure and slow down any possibility for weight loss. I had no energy and my body hurt every day when I got up. Obesity is an illness, it is not just lack of will power. It is also becoming the number 1 killer in America. So sweeping it under the rug in our homes won't work either.
We need to change our attitude. We need to stop worrying about being politically correct with our spouses. It needs to be ok to say "I love you and want you around for the rest of my life, what can I do to help make it possible?" But it is never time to condemn or point fingers. Remember when you stop loving someone for the way they look it is because they are a spiritual mirror. You see something in your life that isn't being taken care of or isn't what it should be. When you point fingers at someone there are three more coming back.
For those of you about to give up on your Fat spouse ask this question. Would I give up on them if they had been crippled in a car accident or was dying from a terminal disease? Or would I stick by their side and love them and support them? Would you encourage them to keep going or would you walk out the door? It is a choice that shows a depth of love. Why does weight have any different feel to it?
That is enough for now to get me hammered pretty good for my first post. But let me finish with this. You can love and inspire those in your lives that you care about to change. It is a inspiration process though and not a shame process.