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Monday, January 24, 2011

I believe honesty is usually the best policy

I believe honesty is usually the best policy, but I don't like to be cruel or needlessly hurtful, and so I am trying to be as tactful and kind as possible.

Too often I see overweight folks focus on the effects their weight has on their health and daily lives. I hear them complain, and rightly so, that they are treated cruelly because of their size. But I ask them to consider and focus on how their weight affects others, such as their spouses, and especially if they have spouses of a normal weight.

I can only speak from a woman's perspective, and I can honestly say that a soft waist and bouncing breasts are strictly feminine attributes, and on a man they can be total libido killers.

But the physical aspect is not the worst part. Women are typically different than men in that they can easily look at a drop-dead gorgeous hunk of a man and not experience any arousal because of the lack of mental and emotional appeal.

Well, when ones spouse knowingly maintains an unattractive [ie obese] appearance, and yet still desires that the wife remain slim and sexy, the first thing to go through the woman's mind is "don't my desires and feelings matter too?"

For a while I was able to convince myself that what I wanted didn't matter. I told myself (and still do) that I should be grateful for all of the numerous blessings in my life (which I am) including my hardworking husband.

But every time he brings home a skimpy shirt or a sexy dress for me to wear, and every time he asks to see me naked, I can feel the anger, and subsequent resentment, building up.

"Its not fair," I think.

I lied one day and told him that I had an uncommonly low libido, therefore I often wasn't "in the mood." I tried to blame my lack of sexual desire on myself. I even managed to convince myself of it for a while.

I am in my late twenties, and a small voice in my head continues to whisper that I am too young for this. My best years will pass by while I feel obligated to give sexual release to a spouse who can't seem to find the motivation to lose weight. If he will not do it for himself or his children, why would his wife be a good enough reason?

I will not consider adultery or divorce because I take my vows before God and witnesses very seriously. If I can't keep the big promises, how can anyone think to trust my small ones? I will not sacrifice my honor or the well-being of my children (who adore their father) for temporary gain.

And so I remain steadfast at my husband's side. But my inner turmoil is becoming unbearably painful. I just ask the overweight spouses out there to consider the needs of their spouse before their own, because most likely their slim spouses have been doing just that for years: showing loyalty, patience, and love while holding out the hope that one day their overweight spouse will get into shape.

It is time to stop being selfish, folks.

It is time to lose the weight.

Posted By  Torn on Matilda Tuesday's My Fat Spouse Forum


  1. I'm one of those lean hard built men and quite honestly I have no idea how men manage to put on so much weight. I can eat like a horse but never seem to put on weight. Maybe if your husband spent more time outside he would lose the weight that is making you so unhappy. Take him river rafting or hiking, if he can't motivate himself you will have to. God bless you girl and well done on those vows. Get him active. Geoff.

  2. An honest appraisal of the difficulties of living with a fatty! I was him I guess but my husband had put on weight too sut nowhere near as much as I had done. When I went on a diet he decided that he wanted to follow it too. Now we have lost 9 stones of lard between us. Good luck getting him started ut it;s a tough one.

  3. So divorce him.

    One comment about losing weight = AT LEAST three more mortified months of assiduously NOT losing weight.

    My guess is that your guy has a good 20 years of prodding from you to live down.

    Say goodbye & let him have the time to love himself & maybe he'll lose weight for his own reasons instead of yours.


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