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Wednesday, September 25, 2013

How long should I wait?

Hi - I have been lurking in the background for a year or so - this is my first post.  I am looking for some advice without being labeled a jerk for thinking that physical appearance matters - I'm pretty sure this is the place.  First, let me describe my situation: 

Needless to say, while she has expressed a desire to lose weight, she has yet to do so.  I have tried to motivate her in every way I can think of without risking harm to myself.  Specifically, I have purchased a gym membership together, I ask her to run everytime I go, I try to set a good example (I trained for and ran a marathon a few months ago), I have gotten her magazine subscriptions (healthy cooking, women's health), and have been totally positive about what she does do.  Recently, she told me that she wants to go to a beach for spring break and wear a bikini. 
Unfortunately, since then, what has been done is very little.  She keeps coming up with excuses as to why she isn't doing anything.  At first, she was too busy with work, then she quit her job to go back to school - so then she was too busy with school, she was sick, her let hurt, always something.  Here's what I see: she likes to take a lot of "breaks" and play games, watch tv, etc.  While she takes these breaks, she likes to snack.  Also, that gym membership - she goes about once every two months.  The bottom line is - I can see she is not doing anything, and at this rate, she is not going near a beach come spring. 

My question is this: How long should I wait until I throw in the towel?  She says she wants to lose the weight - but I can't wait forever.  As an aside, she has been talking about getting married lately - and though I would never tell her this, I will not even think about it unless she loses the weight.  I hate feeling this way - why do I feel like a jerk wanting her to be fit? 


  1. Don't you know that real women have curves?

    Apparently she prefers food to all else and who can blame her? FOOD KICKS ASS!

  2. "...why do I feel like a jerk wanting her to be fit?"

    γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Know thyself. What is it that you are really looking for? You are having doubts for a very good reason. Finding a suitable mate is no easy task especially nowadays, so don't get lazy about it and hope the "One" will far in your lap.

    Wanting your mate to be fit does not mean you are a jerk, but trying to make someone fit who does not want to be fit (and then waiting around for them to want to be) is just plain foolish.
    You want your woman, and maybe future wife, to fit into an ideal form of which you have chosen; yet she chooses not to be. This is clear shown by her past action-or lack thereof. Having a "desire" to loose weight and then actually losing weight are two entirely different things. If you are waiting for some miraculous transformation before marriage, you may be waiting for an even longer time after marriage. I can say with nearly 100% certainty that if you marry the girl you just described, she is almost guaranteed to gain a lot of weight afterwards-what real incentive is there for her not to?
    Life will deal you plenty of problems along its way, none of which you likely asked for; so why would you consider adding more by asking?
    Chalk it up to life experience, and be glad for whatever time you may have had together, but also be thankful you didn't marry this girl because her actions have demonstrated how she regards you, which is Not well. You would have sentenced yourself to a lifetime of misery, because after marriage these problems tend to get much much worse with time and age, than better.
    If I were you, I wouldn't wait another minute.

  3. I agree with Mojo.

    I also want to add: Don't settle!

    You may not see it now, but it sounds like you may trying to convince yourself into settling. Don't.

    Marriage isn't like buying a house or a car. Once you are in it, it is very hard, if not impossible to get out - especially if you are a "nice guy", which I am sure you are.

    You don't want to "wake up" 10-15 years down the road and realize you should have gone with your instinct.

    There are other choices. As you mature, and live you will constantly become more aware of what you want. And you will constantly bump into amazing women.

    Do you perhaps already find other women you meet more desirable than your potential wife? It will only get worse! Believe me.

    The old saying applies doubly here:
    if in doubt, desist!

    Check out Scot McKay's ebook: "Deserve what you want", where he also talks about indicators of settling.

    Don't settle!

    PS: There are plenty of women out there who take pride in their bodies, love to exercise and stay fit, and will do so their whole life - for you as well as for themselves.

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