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Saturday, April 9, 2011

Obese boyfriend? I'm too young for this!

I came here by accident and ended up responding to a thread about the sex life of obese men.

I understand most people here are men disgruntled by their wives' weight - from what I saw, most of you had kids and are well into their adult lives.

I'm not. I'm 24, I'm 5'10 and 170 pounds. Not an ideal weight, but it's still going down slowly. I was a normal child, and due to some sexual abuse when I was young, my weight shot up from 130 to 240 between 15 and 17. It was a body armor, shielding me from men. At around 20 I got to 170, and I hover between 150 and 170 now, depending on the season (I'm a lot more active during winter - hockey).

So 4 years ago I reached a decent weight, allowing me to have a decent silhouette and plenty of energy. I met this great guy who had a little meat on his bones, 6'1 and 220/230 - active, played hockey with me, softball, had a job that made him move around a lot.

4 years later and he's settled in nicely at... heck I don't know, last time we bought pants for him they were a 42 waist. Around 290 I'd say? He refuses to get on a scale. Enough that sex is difficult, mechanically. I feel frustrated, lonely and I'm looking at the passage of time and not enjoying my current life.

He's got horrible eating habits that he's not even aware of. I've taken a habit of asking him, are you hungry or are you bored when he eats between meals. He's always hungry. I'm tired of sleeping on the couch. I'm tired of having The Talk every month with him saying Yes Dear and the changes only sticking for a week. I get to a point where seeing him eat irks me, seeing him drink beer irks me, seeing him period irks me. I don't believe in crash diets, so I think he should be able to have a beer every now and then, or a bowl of baked chips watching hockey - but even then...

If it's not a steamed veggie, I can't bear the sight of him eating, which means we don't eat together. So we don't eat together, we don't have sex, we don't even sleep in the same bed since I've retreated to the couch... Man I'm 24. Why the **** do I put up with this...

We're not married (neither of us believes in marriage), but we do live together and I've moved out for a year already (and came back). I'm not gonna play that game forever - but this man is my best friend. He's smart, sensitive, funny, honest, open - he's great looking under that layer of fat. There was a time where he made me feel alive. 

I cook well, lots of veggies, lots of fiber, lean meats - not much oil or sugar or starch. When I do bake dessert, it's always some sort of natural thing sweetened with everything but sugar. I look at his diet (that I've planned!) and I see nothing wrong with it (amounts to 2k calories a day and less than 30% from fat). So he's sneaking food, or throwing out his lunch at work to go eat out with coworkers. He's got an office job now so he's not moving at all during the day.

My job makes me move around a lot, so I exercise only twice a week in summer (badminton and softball). In winter I play hockey 3-4 times a week. We're always walking everywhere, and yet he's not losing the weight. I'm also a part-time student, so I don't have the time to exercise with him more.

I don't get it. I don't get how my best friend who I thought was the man of my life became this fat slob who sits around playing Halo 3 for hours and doesn't move until he's ordered to. Which works! But I hate being the wicked witch with the karmic taser gun... He has no self-esteem, positive reinforcement works until I stop doing it - and I'm tired, TIRED of always trying to motivate him. I have issues that I need to work on too! Permanent change seems... unlikely at this point. I don't wanna become the food nazi. I want him to want better health, better sex, better love. 

Confusion and loneliness. Woot.

"Chymere" posted this on the My Fat Spouse Forum

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