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Monday, April 11, 2011

What Do People think of Us?

I was just sitting here reading old threads and marveling at how alike we all are- both the fit husbands and fit wives and I had an interesting thought.

I was reading an old post about the pain of living and watching what he describes and the "slow kill" and somebody responded with feeling like a fake in her relationship. That really struck me, and I wonder if any of you can relate to the following thoughts/feelings.

Just a quick refresher- I am 31, extremely fit and have been told I am very pretty. All that has ever mattered to me though is that my husband thinks I am pretty and it makes me happy that he indeed does, because I am happy to give that to him. As for him, he is 48 and has ballooned up to well over 350lbs. I don't know the exact number, he has stopped telling me but our scale maxes at 350 and I know he can't weigh himself anymore.

Anyway, my thought as I was sitting here was, GOOD LORD, WHAT ON EARTH ARE PEOPLE THINKING ABOUT ME WHEN THEY SEE THE TWO OF US OUT TOGETHER? I would like to say I don't care about what people think, but the truth is, I see the stares and I am convinced they look at him and think he must have money and I must be after it. Actually, I came into the relationship with more money than him, so that sure as hell isn't it. Truth is, I adore the man. I adore his personality, his intelligence, and kind heart and how alike we are mentally. That's what falling in love meant to me at the time. He was by no means a beefcake when we met and I never even wanted that. A few extra pounds is fine. 150 extra pounds is not.

Back to my subject- when I think that people (strangers, family, etc) are thinking these things, I also start to feel fake, weird, defensive, and worse of all, IS there something about my psyche that needs to be the more visually appealing? Is there a payoff in that? I really don't see it if there is and I want for his health and yes, his appearance as well, for him to get down to a healthy weight.

I guess I sort of rambled here but I bet many of you also feel those stares and thoughts from others who wonder what YOUR motivation is for being with your husband/wife. Does it all just boil down to simple embarrassment and shame?

Thanks for listening,


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