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Monday, February 7, 2011

She just doesn't do what it takes

I feel so relieved having found this support group, because that is basically what this is. Let me introduce myself. I am a 59 yr old recently retired civil servant, who used to work in Europe. I now live part-time in the Philippines and the rest of the time in Europe. I have been married for 5 yrs to a 34 yr old woman who used to be gorgeous, but has, since I met her, got ever fatter and fatter. It is not that she overeats or even eats all the wrong things. In her case it is probably hormonal (contraceptive pill, gave it up 2 yrs ago, but never recovered from it). What gets me in her case is her inablility or lack of willingness to work out properly to get rid of the fat. She is so damn economical with her energy. When I go to the gym I always do the maximum, she - if she goes - will do the minimum. And there are always excuses: she's got a cold, she got her menstruation, she's got a stiff neck, with complications, She is tired, whatever. And maybe some of these excuses are legitimate, but over the years I have grown tired of all the non-starters. There was the jogging she would do to fight the increasing bulge, there was the Billy Blanks bootcamp work-out which would bring salvation, there was the punch bag that she would happily use to build up muscles and stamina, there was the treadmill we bought at her behest, there was the disco dancing group that would transform her (and my) life, there were the fitness club memberships which did not bring the eagerly (by me) anticipated results, there is the personal fitness trainer who failed miserably where others failed too. And why? Because she just doesn't do what it takes, she lacks the follow-through, she just doesn't have the single-minded dogged determination that is essential to go from fat to fit. She will not put in the hard work. I am a little bit qualified to judge a case like this. Most of my life I have been overweight myself. Been there, done that. There isn't a diet I haven't tried. I have been mostly unsuccessful (but at least I really tried), until I came across the leptin diet, as advocated by Byron and Mary Richards in their book "Mastering Leptin". Following their five principles (in my case eating brown rice, fish, fruit and vegetables) in combination with some serious work at the gym 5 to 6 times a week, has made all the diference. My wife has always been a bit wishy-washy about any diet and exercise advice I give her. I suppose she is fed up with the whole thing too. Unfortunatedly she will not stick doggedly to a routine. She now weighs in at around 170 pounds (at 5' 4"), which is just an estimate, coz I can't get her to weigh herself. She is sick of it herself. It destroys, or at least puts a heavy damper on our sex life, as you can well imagine. She keeps asking me if I love her, a sure sign of insecurity: the fatter they become, the more emotionally needy they are. Certainly, I care for her, but where I never used to fantasize about other women, I now do. She has lost so much of her sex-appeal. I mean she looks like a small sumo wrestler! Anyway, it was nice to get this of my chest and share these experiences with other people who are in a similar situation. I hope that my positive experience with the leptin diet can be of help to others. The great thing about that way of life - coz it is not really a diet - is that you lose all your urges to snack and binge. I never eat between meals anymore. I never touch anything but proper food. I just don't feel the need to eat junk anymore, no willpower involved, and by the way I do not need any alcohol anymore either. Good luck!
Posted by "Fitthen" on the My Fat Spouse Forum


  1. When I started reading the post, I thought that your wife was morbidly obese. But then, I was seeing the world through my experience. My husband weighs over 500 pounds.

    170 pounds? That's it?

    I don't see the problem. I just want to let you know that you inspired me to stay in my marriage because I am terrified that I'd end up with someone upset if I gained twenty pounds.

    Good luck.

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