Thirty Pounds Overweight

I'm in a LTR with a guy who is about 30 lbs overweight.  I've read some of the posts.  Compared to what I've read this is no big deal, right?  Well, it is when you're not sexually attracted to him anymore.  When we first met he was an elite athlete (national team level) and I was also a very competitive athlete in the same sport.  12 years later I'm still the same weight and very fit.  He weighs at least 30 lbs more and has lost muscle mass.  He's got a big belly, moobs and no upper body fitness.  He stills gets some exercise, but his diet and eating habits are horrendous.  I try to have healthy stuff to eat at home, but he basically eats nothing all day, then gorges himself at dinner and snacks on crap at night.  He thoroughly understands nutrition but fails to practice good habits.  I am not really interested in sex with him and his big belly and moobs.  I've entertained the idea of having sex outside the relationship, but that's not really right for me at this time.  I still have home that he may decide to be healthier in the future.  I make a lot of money and take good care of myself.  We have a good relationship for the most part, but now my resentment of his lack of responsibility to our relationship is turning me sour.  I'm in my early 40s.  I'm scared I'm going to wake up with his even fatter gut in 10 years and wonder where the time went.  I really want to be in a sexually healthy relationship.  I feel like a part of my identity is missing when I avoid sex because I'm not attracted to him.  Just look at our entertainment...it's ok and even expected for a guy to allow himself to be dumpy even when his wife/girlfriend is quite fit and attractive.  Ah, it feels so good to vent!

Posted by  JulieD
 on Matilda Tuesday's My Fat Spouse Forum 

Great boyfriend but no sex life...

My current boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years.

When we first got together I figured it was going to be a temporary fling. We were/are good friends and had a lot of fun together. I had just gotten out of a 10 year relationship and wasn't thinking in the long term.

He has always been fat although he has gained since we have been together. He's a good 50-70lbs overweight. I never brought it up as I just didn't figure we would last long enough for me to have the right to say anything.

He goes back and forth with eating right and living clean. Then he's back on the soda pop and smoking weed and spending every minute in front of the tv. He makes much of his diet effort my responsibility. If I don't hold his hand with everything he has no self will.

I'm 5' 10 and 135lbs. He's 5'10 and somewhere between 250 and 270.

As it's turned out we have lasted way longer than I would have thought and I do love him very much. I'm entering my thirties and my clock is ticking, I want children but not with a fat person. He has a son who is obese. I just don't want that for my kids. And I don't want a father that puts his health at risk either.

We are no longer having sex. He doesn't even TRY to initiate. And in turn I'm relieved because I just can't stand the weight. His weight makes sex awkward.

How can I approach this at this point in the relationship?? Had I ever thought we would have lasted this long, I wouldn't have waited so long to jump on this subject. I just can't take the fat anymore. Or the laziness that goes along with it.

Posted by plulu on Matilda Tuesday's My Fat Spouse Forum