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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

When Your Partner is Supportive

This is such a complex issue and I almost hesitate to post. You are all complete strangers. I hope you don't think that I am one of those self centered people who think that the world will be fascinated with my life or me in general. My struggles are nothing unique. I am here because I am at a loss and the frustration is just building and building. I hope a fresh pair of eyes can help me put things in perspective.



*past

In great shape until I was 16ish. Sports, country life and military school saw to that. (overshare but important for perspective) I was raped at military school and sent home. I was put in one of those locked down facilities for troubled teens because my mom was unable to deal with it. I never had any drug or delinquency issues or anything.

Point being is that I went from an almost insane amount of activity to NOTHING. I had just ran the bataan memorial death march with my troop which was a 26 mile marathon through the middle of the desert with full bdus and a ruck sack at 15 years old.

The locked down facility was just that. You were stuck in a tiny tiny room and the only exercise available was during brief dodge ball or similar games. I wasn't really mature enough to understand that exercise=weight loss so I didn't work out in my little room. The food was also crap. I went from a very muscular size 6 to a size 12 in about 9 months.

After that I slowly gained weight. Not much until I went to college and kinda ballooned. I have trouble with self discipline and would eat pizza instead of healthy meals. Add a ton of stress due to family stuff and I was probably about a size 14 when life was uprooted again and I found myself in Florida.

The weird thing is my legs and butt never lost their shape. My arms are still the same. But I gained weight around the belly. 100% of it is there. (PLEASE if anyone can tell me WHY!!??...) I wish that it could have been more distributed. I have to wear clothing way to big for my body in order to accommodate the weird shape. I guess the point of all this is I am not making excuses for my weight gain it was 100% my fault but I just wanted to point out a few things before I started with the issue at hand.

I have had serious issues since moving here that have made my activity level plummet.

*It is HOT and humid and I find myself inside at almost all times to avoid the sun. I used to be outdoors often hiking or just hanging out in general. I don't mind being uncomfortable but my skin is like porcelain. I cant help but see all the leather type skin damage that is so prevalent here. I am almost overly paranoid about getting skin cancer or my skin getting all messed up.

*I don't drive. The only thing I'm afraid of so that makes it nearly impossible to find activities that I enjoy and are not specifically for weight loss

*I have joined two separate gyms. First was the ladies fitness express (curves) and it was bullshit. I didn't even bother to go after the first few weeks. Second was LA fitness. the problem with that was I had to wait a good 2 hours after working out for my ride to come (on top of the 30 min drive both ways) and I guess that zapped my motivation. Once again this is NOT an excuse. A truly motivated person could have easily made that into a positive.

* I have quit smoking several times and generally gain between 5-10 pounds per attempt.

And finally the matter at hand. My boyfriend is VERY supportive of me losing weight (obsessive really). Well that was the first two gym memberships anyway. A 24 hour fitness center opened up literally down the block and I was very excited. Real gym and something I could get to myself and he didn't need to be involved. I wouldn't need to wait at all afterwards and could work out whenever I wanted to! (getting rid of that pesky issue of self hatred and having to lose weight for someone else to find me attractive)

Well instead of the hopefully optimistic response I was expecting he started in with the "what's the point you're just going to quit anyway" type of stuff. Well I wont get into that argument because I think that's beyond the spectrum of this forum. What all this is leading up to is how much he and I differ on what we believe will help me lose weight.

He seems to think that because I am fat and he is skinny as a rail that he is healthier. This has led to many arguments over everything including diet and exercise. I am not saying its his fault. He does not shove food in my mouth or tie me to the bed (no not that way you pervs lol) and keep me from exercising. I SHOULD have the self control to just ignore the crap food.

He eats nothing but red meat, burgers, crappy diner food and CANDY. Its not uncommon for him to eat candy for dinner followed by various frozen highly processed pastries. This followed by a day or two of eating nothing. Like I said he is rail thin. Of course his teeth are rotting and at 29 he looks like he is 35 but he insists he's fine. Diabetes anyone? *sighs* He is pretty active so I guess He stays in physical shape. Well as much as one can without getting enough vitamins.

See I'm one of those out of site out of mind people. If there is no junk around I honestly don't even think about it. Except for that ice cream craving once a month I really don't want to eat anything bad. Even then give me the option of ice cream or a nice platter of various cut up fruit and Ill choose the fruit happily. But damnit when you live with someone who brings in so much crap its hard to have the self discipline to cook a healthy meal when you are famished. Its so much easier to grab some processed fast cook crap then the broccoli. Plus I am just learning how to cook. Its slow going.
See my problem is I simply eat too much. I eat a lot of good and healthy food (I love veges/fruit) but I also eat some of his crap food. That with the lack of exercise and you get chubby.

Also, its damned expensive these days to eat healthy. He thinks that because all of his crap food costs about 20$ a week that I should be able to eat healthy for about that much. I don't even see most of the stuff that comes in a box/can/package as food. It literally doesn't register to me. Food is in the produce section, the dairy/egg section hell its even in the meat section (chicken and fish for me) It is NOT in the center isles with the exception of some condiments and vinegars. But that stuff COSTS more. If you are trying to plan for breakfast lunch and dinner you have to buy actual food. He also accuses me of being stupid for buying organic. Hell I try to be realistic, sometimes it doesn't matter. But for some things you just have to in order to avoid eating processed chemical laden food. Check this out organic black beans= beans, water, a little salt. Non organic regular black beans= HIGH FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP, beans, water, salt. That easily doubles the price. I don't eat a lot of meat but when I do I make sure its as close to organic as you can buy (publix greenwise). I guess what I need from you guys is an average grocery bill for one person per week eating healthy. Please tell me I'm not crazy.

Another thing we disagree on is calories. I know this isn't healthy or anything but generally when I eat ice cream I will eat a pint of it. This means I eat almost nothing for the rest of the day. That doesn't make it healthy but I think it makes it so I wont gain as much weight from it. A calorie is a calorie right?

Exercise wise he always says " well the people I have known who have lost a lot of weight exercise all day every day". He used to be fat and he lost it all by eating nothing but plain pasta and walking for miles with weights tied to his arms. Yeah he's a stubborn son of a bitch. He also thinks that by harassing me and criticizing everything I eat to the point of me literally hiding while I eat will motivate me. GRRRRR I don't want to make it sound like he is abusive. Nothing of the sort AT all. He just has a hard time understanding that everyone does not think like he does. What works for him does NOT work for others. Grr I fear that I am getting too far into this and rambling.

*please tell me that it is in fact possible for me to be healthier then him even if I am "fat" and he is skinny

*please tell me what is a normal and acceptable grocery bill per person per week

*please help me get some perspective.

and Finally please tell me if I am falling into that denial/excuse trap. Really I can take it, be blunt.

*sighs*


Posted By the NoviceCrafter of the My Fat Spouse Forum.

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