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Thursday, November 18, 2010

I'm not here to rumble...

OK, I will admit that I happened upon this forum from one of the FA blogs. I will say that I don't think that most of you are wrong or evil, and that most of the posts here are made by spouses who love their partners, but just don't get how they can let them selves get fat. I have also seen some posts by people I believe are asshats.

I will also say that I do not believe that any fat person should be persecuted by strangers, let alone family and loved ones for being fat. (Trust me, it doesn't work) I don't believe that anyone WANTS to be fat or gets fat on purpose.

What I do believe is that a person cannot make changes for someone else, no matter how much they love them, they can only make changes for themselves. A big part of having the inner ability to change is love of self. Many fat people do not love themselves, nor do they believe that they are deserving of love, but they are wrong. Every human being on this earth deserves to be loved. That is why I read FA blogs. If I can learn to accept myself and love myself the way I am now, I have a better chance of making changes to my lifestyle. I think that FA does good work in this area.

I also believe that a fat person can be healthy. I have been fat for most of my life and I have not one physical ailment. Not diabetic, not hypertensive, no high blood pressure, no crumbling joints, etc. I am not AS healthy as a tri-athelete, but I am not in imminent medical danger either. I work out. I have been with a personal trainer for over a year now and the benefits I see from it are amazing. I am very proud of how far my endurance and physical strength have come, but, guess what? I'm still fat.

What I don't see a lot of here (and I have only been here for a day, so if it's somewhere, let me know) is the address of the mental issues that cause or are a result of fat. Could it be possible that there are deep lying emotional issues that cause your spouses to get or hold onto their fat? I would hate to see the girlfriend of the gentleman who posted that she is sexually out of shape get kicked to the curb for eating candy bars. Someone even mentioned that perhaps she was embarrassed by the whole situation and was placating herself with the chocolate. That was the only emotionally/mentally geared post that I read. Again, maybe I am reading in the wrong places...

I guess what this all boils down to is I don't hate you because you are not fat, please don't hate me because I am. You don't know where I have been or where I am going, you don't know if I have just lost 50 pounds or gained 100. Let me love myself and if you are my family, friend or lover treat me with humanity and respect. Encourage me to get the the heart of the matter, whatever that matter may be.

Posted Anonymously on the My Fat Spouse forum


  1. First and foremost I would like to welcome you to the forums and to congradulate your efforts.

    I am new here too but have been reading for awhile.

    From what I can tell, and can personally confirm. Many of us are at our wits ends. Its not that we hate fat people, we just dont understand.

    I have a few personal comments/questions:

    1: What do you do when your spouse is visibly hurting ( weight gain ) and there isnt anything you can do about it? I wish I knew.
    Have tried councling, going on diet with, working out with, talking to them, tip toeing around it for years, and getting and reading books that might help.

    2: I know the best way to get my wife to not do something. Suggest it. Works on diets and books everytime.

    Agian, congrats on your efforts to improve yourself, I may be wrong but I think many of us are envious of your spouse, wishing ours would take similar steps.

  2. Lmao I'm one of the asshats you're talking about, right?

    I'm sorry, I'm more of a troll than anything, just having some simultaneously honest and dishonest fun. I actually commend you for your efforts in improving yourself.

    Unfortunately, I actually have an eating disorder, and I have a pretty skewed view of things to begin with. So everything I say should be taken with a grain of salt to that effect. I also live with a mother who is morbidly obese, drove my father (even more- he was a little crazy and drugged out to begin with) nuts with weight gain and apathy when they were married, and continues to treat her children and grand children as slaves in many ways. I've lived a life of terrible neglect. In effect, I'm like a child, trying to get a rise out of strangers. In this instance it worked, and I'm letting you know I actually feel bad. =(

    Anyway, enough of the sap, I'm gonna ruin all my other escapades if I take it too far. Point is you've made an admirable choice, and the right choice. Keep doing what you're doing. And remember that there are two sides to every situation.

    Actually, one more thing. I agree with the whole mental-issues-being-behind-it thing. I think any issue with food, in either extreme, all comes down to replacing whatever you feel you lack in life. We're trying to fill a void with food/thoughts of food/weight when in actuality that approach is about as good as 'cleaning your room' and stuffing everything under the bed. You're not really fixing anything, just affecting the surface.

  3. You're not necessarily wrong and I'm not necessarily right but, we debate many of the claims you've made on this site quite regularly.

    I'll just say, good luck on the progress and I disagree with many of your claims.

  4. All of what you said makes sense but honestly some people are just fat and selfish and they don't care. Some people (thin of fat) are lazy. Some people prefer candy to excercise. It's just like alcoholism. It doesn't mean you're a shitty person who doesn't deserve love but it also doesn't mean I have to watch you self destruct or put up with your bullshit.


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