Well, I did it.
I sent him the Post I wrote last summer "MOST PAINFUL THING I HAVE LIVED THROUGH." He read the WHOLE thread. I also sent him emails I exchanged with a weight loss coach. He was hurt by it. He says it has changed him, but he wont say how.
Now he is leaving. We dont live together, but he is coming to get things he has stored at my house and then "getting me out of his head". He says he is going to work at becoming something I want, IF and only IF, he gets to that weight, he will call me. So, I may see him in a few months. Or a few years. Or never.
When we met, he was at 320. In 2 1/2 - 3 years he has gone down to about 260. That was with some plateaus and small yo-yos. If his weight loss had been consistent, he would prolly be to his goal by now. Its been like watching paint dry.
I sent him the posts so he could see and hopefully understand the dynamic where fat plays a huge part in everything we do, that it causes me pain and isnt just a neutral force in the relationship. AND I am not the only person who feels this way. ***So far all I think he understands is that I cant love him unconditionally.*** He does not want to be around someone whose negative view of him affects his moods so deeply.
I had told him here and there on several occasions that his weight was a problem. But I don't think he really saw the big picture.
I had wanted to "knock the fattitude" out of him. Because even though he is trying to lose weight, it was with kind of a "lahtidah, I'll get there when I get there" kind of pace. In the meatime, I'm getting more and more frustrated and tired of the rollercoaster: Hope, Desire, Repulsion, Despair. More and more, the despair winning out and being all I see.
M2 says in his post "THIS MAY HELP" to let go of the anger and resentment. How do you do THAT?????
This man is my perfect dream in a personality and my worst nightmare in a body. It must be a fattitude thing to really not understand the dynamic of fat and what it does to a relationship. Dont fat people look at other fat people and think, no FEEL: Ewwww!
I guess I cannot love him through it. I tried. But it has been a difficult point for me since the first day we reconnected. Should have admitted defeat back then instead of investing these years and it being so painful.
posted by chevalle d'or on the