The Latest Forum Posts

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Am I wrong to want my partner to take care of her appearance?

Let me start by saying that I love my partner of 14 years. But her weight gain has really affected my desire for any hint of a sex life.

She has gained about 35 pounds during the last 2 years. It has been bothering me for a while but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. It makes me feel shallow.

I’ve been encouraging her for nearly a year to take better care of herself. For example, eating right and exercising. Finally, a few days ago she seemed to want to start losing weight because she started to exercise—doing sit ups and walking. I was excited that she was taking an interest and told that we could do this together. 

Over the weekend, she bought a sleeveless shirt that was 2 sizes too small for her. I could see rolls of fat and her arms have cellulite and are flabby. If she wants to let herself go like this that’s one thing but dressing like she’s 22 with a hot body is ridiculous. Seeing her like that really bothered me. Never mind the fact she was trying to get me into bed all weekend. I kept making excuses and finally just asked her for time without saying as to why.

Saturday night when she was changing for bed she turned around and I could see this second stomach bursting from her midsection. I can say without exaggeration it REPULSED me.

Fast forward to her NEW exercising routine (I also want to mention that she drinks quite a bit). She took a long walk Tuesday night and said that she was going to take another the next night and also stop by a nearby friend’s house. By the time she gets home she’s drunk. Apparently her vigorous exercise routine incorporates beer lifting. Now that’s great for the already expanding waist line.

I was so mad I said something really awful. First, we argued about her drinking. She explained to me that she wasn’t an alcoholic but a “social alcoholic.” After arguing for 10 minutes, she started up the stairs and called me a “cold fish.”:I had had it. I shot back “Yeah. You’re just so APPEALING.”

Now she’s seething with rage and won’t talk to me. Am I wrong? Not to be conceited but I’m an attractive woman who takes good care of herself. And no offense guys (I’m a lesbian)—if I wanted this I could have married some bubba. I’m both very angry and guilty.

Any suggestions? Am I wrong to want my partner to take care of her appearance? What should I do?

James@15  posted this on Matilda Tuesday's My Fat Spouse Forum


  1. if you are no longer attracted to your partner for just 35 lbs maybe you never really loved her because realistically 35 lbs is not that much so yes you are being shallow. I have a feeling if the tables were turned she would not treat you the way you are treating her. And she can always move on and find someone who will love her regardless of her weight. As a reminder women gain more weight if they are unhappy in their relationship. So by being mean and dismissive to her you're contributing to her weight gain and most likely her drinking. If someone starts feeling they're partner is no longer attracted to them they usually get depressed which for many causes.... weight gain! As for the clothing thing go shopping with her and help her pick out clothes. it may suck but she'll get the picture that you want her to wear clothes that fit her. The main thing you need to do is be honest with her because honestly if i was her I would think you were cheating on me if you never wanted to have sex and never actually talked about the underlying issues. If you guys talk and she decides she wants to lose weight for her own well being maybe a wii with wiifit and the game Just Dance might help start the process. They're fun, you can do it in the comfort of your own home, and you can do it together! Good Luck.

  2. You are NOT being shallow. End of story.


Find us at again at