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Saturday, January 23, 2010

What is meant by "supporting the fat spouse"?

Mary45 posted this question in six parts on the My Fat Spouse forum this week. You can read her post and the answers she got by clicking here

What I would very much like to know though is, what is meant by "supporting the fat spouse"? I mean,

1) are you supposed to tell them what to eat and how much, or is that "nagging" that will backfire?

2) Should you tell them off when they eat crap/fattening stuff, or is that being too controlling and a "food police"?

3)Same question re. exercise, should you keep asking them to join you in being active or are you causing resentment by going on about it too much?

4) If there's any form of progress at all, should you comment on it or is it interfering and implying that you don't "love them as they are"?

5) How about "leading by example" then, should you make sure you are ultra-lean and fit yourself, or is that seen as obsessive - but on the other hand don't you need to be the closest thing to "perfect" you can ever be in order to have the right to comment on your spouse's habits?

6) Now it appears that a couple of new issues have come up (see Lightningbolt's post in the Motivating your spouse - section):

6a) Could you be partly guilty for the fat spouse overeating and getting fat if you've kept mum and didn't comment on the weight gain in its very early stages, and
6b) are you actually being "dishonest" if you don't tell them to their face that they are physically repulsive?

or as a summary of 6a & 6b, can you rely on fat spouses knowing themselves that they've gained a lot and are fat and unattractive, or do they need to be told - and if so, at what stage of the weight gain is it appropriate to bring it up?

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