The misconception that women “aren’t visually oriented” when it comes
I am sick of this common misconception/double standard. I’ve known plenty of fat, schlubby guys who just expected women to fall at their feet, and not just any women, mind you…they wanted women that fit most mainstream “beauty standards” in some way. What the--?
Look, women are just as visually-oriented as men when it comes to physical attraction and arousal. Women want to get off just as much as any man, and that usually requires us not being completely repulsed by our partner. Now I’m not talking about falling in love, I’m talking about pure, physical, sexual attraction here.
I think most of us tend to gravitate towards others who are kind of our equal as far as attractiveness goes. Usually when attracted to a partner where things go beyond the physical, there are a combination of traits that bring the two people together on an even keel. But I’ve known guys that have the dumb mentality of “nice guys finish last,” and claim to be such “nice guys,” but get angry at women who turn them down. Then instead of acknowledging that there are things they could work on to attract women, they instead blame women, saying that "women are only attracted to guys who are jerks." Funny enough to me that they automatically assume that attractive guys are "jerks" just because they're visually appealing...hmmmm. Who to date, even just on a casual basis, is a very personal decision. I’ve seen certain guys demand, after the rejection, to know why. You know what? Sometimes the “why” is that you smell, or that you’re ugly to the woman, or that not only are you ugly and smelly, you can also be a misogynistic jerk!
Guys like Kevin Smith and Jack Black are chunky, and they ended up with pretty good looking women. However, both of them seem to actually have very creative, interesting personalities, and they both make pretty hilarious movies and have good senses of humor obviously. I can’t really speak for Smith’s wife Jen (who is devastatingly gorgeous in my opinion), and I don’t know about Black’s love life at present but I do know at one point he was dating Sarah Silverman, also totally cute. But I will attest to the fact that they’re both famous and creative types. Their mates have been attracted to them for other reasons than how they look, obviously, but we all have to acknowledge that this sort of coupling is rare and the exception to the norm (typically if you see a couple where one partner is in shape and the other fat, the weight-gain happened after the relationship was well-established).
When I see these average joe guys who can’t even be bothered to do anything more than shower and put on a shirt their mom gave them, are considerably overweight and also probably not that attractive otherwise, AND expect the women they go after to be drop-dead gorgeous, act like clueless and sexist pigs, and THEN wonder why they’ve made it into their 30’s and haven’t gotten laid, I just want to slap these individuals across their smug faces when they start to blame WOMEN for the reason they’re still virgins. Then they try to augment themselves with things that are advertised to be “chick magnets” like motorcycles, nice cars, etc. What they don’t really get is that most of the time women like the guys on motorcycles because they’re already hot, and the motorcycle is just kind of the icing on the cake. A fatty guy with "Mr. Happy" hidden under layers of fat on a bike does not say “sexy” to me, anyway. The bike could be really cool, but I'm not going to want the guy on it just because he has it! The thing is, a lot of these men could find someone in their current state if they were to lower their own standards. But the problem with this (and this is one thing about fat acceptance I can’t reconcile) is that they expect the most gorgeous woman ever, with an in-shape body, who goes to the salon regularly, to like them on the sole basis that they’re “nice.” Really? A lot of people are VERY nice, but I’d never sleep with any of them.
Women are just as visually-oriented as men. Some macho a-holes (some of whom happen to be big fatties) like to make fun of guys who groom themselves or dress well, using off-color, bigoted terms for homosexuality to make fun of them…but those are usually the guys who are getting laid. By women. Isn’t it ironic…don’t ya think?
I think fat men can often feel just as insecure as fat women. But I think there’s something in our current pop culture that says, “It’s okay if you’re a fat man, because some really hot chick who doesn’t care what you look like will come along and love you for who you are!” But for me the kicker is that to most of us, too much extra fat (and I’m not talking 15 or 20 lbs. here) usually indicates a tendency towards either apathy or impulsive behavior. I’ve BEEN a fat person, and I have every right to say that. It might sound mean, but to me it’s the truth. I’ve decidedly less attracted towards fat men because from what I observe of their behavior (and from what I remember of my own compulsive behavior as a fat person), they don’t often care for themselves well at all. I am way more attracted to the aesthetic of someone who is healthy and active. That usually shows on a person’s body. I don’t expect a guy to be uber-muscley, but you can usually tell the difference between a guy who’s just naturally skinny but isn’t healthy, and someone who is really treating their body right. Combine that with a killer personality (which to me is a good sense of humor, intelligence, kindness/respect for others/positive-yet-realistic outlook on life) and I usually find someone like that highly attractive.
I’ll elaborate on fat acceptance’s seeming double standards. There doesn’t seem to be anything about fat men being accepted out there in the blogosphere aside from M2's parody blogs. There is a little bit of sincere fat acceptance material for men, but not much. Fat women are called “real women” in fat acceptance, whereas slim women are called “twigs, sticks, anorexic, self-hating, b***hes, etc.” but thin, attractive men are not picked on. To me it seems like some of the women of FA want to remain fat but still feel like they should be able to get with an in-shape man. To me that’s just as bad as fat, slovenly men who haven’t seen Mr. Happy in 5 years expecting gorgeously hot women to just fall at their feet because they’re nice “on the inside," then getting angry because the person they wanted turned them down. That's when fat people often use the "that person is superficial" rationalization and demonize the person who rejected them.
Inner beauty is valuable, OK? I get that. But for ME, both have to be there. Physical attraction is also arguably subjective enough that someone I find gorgeous might not be as appealing to the gal next to me – it’s always a combination of personality compatability, looks, pheromones/chemistry, etc. So just being a nice guy doesn’t entitle any man to have any woman he wants. Ever.
What I also get annoyed by is that women, when without a sex partner but horny, are usually left to our own devices and seek the aid of a sex toy of some sort. But SOME guys I’ve known (particularly the significantly overweight ones who are still virgins into their late 20’s) start feeling ENTITLED to a WOMAN if they want to get off. Sorry bout ya, but no one is owed a romantic partner. Ever. Usually you have to work on yourself at LEAST a little bit to attract someone. Sorry. If you’re so desperate to get off and can’t find someone willing, seek out the aid of some adult entertainment and your hand. No one is required to say yes to you just because you might be nice. And you most certainly prove you really aren’t nice when you get angry and stomp your feet for getting rejected by someone.