I am new here and am writing my story to possibly help people approach their overweight spouses.
Growing up, I was always the athletic girl. Stronger and faster than just about everyone in school and I took a great amount of pride in that. I was a gymnast and my life revolved around diet & athletics. After gymnastics, I went on to high school & college cheer leading. Then, in my junior year of college, I became pregnant... whoa was I in for a change.
What happens to your body when your pregnant is quite scary! Especially when you basically go from eating nothing and exercising all day, to eating like a normal person and no exercise. At the end of the pregnancy, I was left with 50 pounds on me. I became extremely depressed and didn't come out of that depression for 11 years. Today, I have 4 boys and am still 60 pounds heavier than I was before my first child.
My husband is and always has been athletic as well. We've been together since we were 16, which was 15 years this year. He is a bmx bike rider and works out daily. My weight has always been a source of resentment in our relationship. I can see it in the way he looks at me, and it hurts. But, when you're depressed, it's hard to find the strength from within to get off your ass and do something about it. He would nag me, holdout on sex, put me down, believe me he tried everything and nothing worked. I rebelled against anything he had to say about my weight. Let me tell you what he said that changed it all for me.
Recently, we separated because of marital stress. We were separated for 5 weeks, however still spent time together because of the kids. One evening over a few drinks he said to me, "Do you want to know how I really feel about you." Of course I answered, "Yes." He went on to tell me that he wasn't attracted to me anymore. That sometimes having sex actually disgusted him. Of course I was hurt, but I knew in my heart that he felt this way all along. I was disgusted my myself so why shouldn't he be? He went on to tell me that he loved me, but he wanted to have sex with a hot chick again. THAT WAS IT. At that point I realized that if I didn't become that hot chick, someone else would fill the position for me and there was no way that was going to happen!
Since that day, my life has been about renewing my sense of pride. I work out daily & watch what I eat. What do you know, I've actually lost weight! I know a lot of people will say that my husband is a superficial jerk telling me these things, but not me. I thanked him for it, because it was just what I needed to jumpstart a new life.
How you react to your spouses feelings is a choice. You have to be at a point where you're ready to accept what he/she says. As I said, all other attempts (over 11 years) were met with defiance on my part. I think my acceptance had a lot to do with the way he said it. I took it as encouragement. He believed that I could become hot again, and told me so. I didn't believe that in myself, and to hear him say it meant more than anything.
I am absolutely, 110% doing this for myself. His benefit is a byproduct . I just needed a little encouragement to believe that this was a solveable problem.
Hope that wasn't too boring and good luck with your spouses.
Posted by Red Dream
on Matilda Tuesday's My Fat Spouse Forum