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Wednesday, October 1, 2014

I just have to express it.

     I am youngish and keep myself extremely fit, and make an effort with my clothes, hair, makeup, and general appearance.  I admit I am a little vain, but looking good feels good, and keeps me healthy.  

My hubby is a good one.  He is indulgent and often thoughtful.  I'd never cheat on him and have no intention of leaving.  But he makes zero effort on his appearance.  He is so fat that he looks 14 months pregnant, with a huge belly and boobs that are way bigger than mine.  His skin is often clammy to touch because he sweats all the time.  He shuns outdoor activity because it is "too hot" unless it is winter, and can manage little physical effort without great discomfort. I can't help but be repulsed when he's sitting on the couch.  I want to be married to a man that has a man's body, not a head attached to a big amorphous blob.  He looks like a beached whale when he lies down on the couch.  I want to have sex, but I want it with someone whose body I can feel:  Bones and muscles--not clammy blubbery goo.  I hate being crushed underneath or having to smash down on a giant gut.  We are rarely intimate.  He thinks I simply have no sex drive.  I do.

His teeth are yellow and he won't use the whitening strips I've gotten, even after subtle, not-so-subtle, and finally blatant cues.  Not even after pleading when I explained that yellow teeth look like a dirty, malodorous mouth, and it puts me off of kissing.

I serve healthy meals in reasonable portions.  I don't keep junk food in the house.  He just eats too damn much all the time--and I suspect he eats a lot of garbage outside of the house.  I've had to start hiding the cereal our kids eat because he eats it all before they can have any--I told him I don't buy it anymore, and that it's because he eats it all.  He eats everything, like he's a garbage disposal.  He told me the other day, when I complained that he'd eaten our son's leftover pizza that I should mark things if he isn't supposed to eat them.

We have a Wii Fit and I've tried involving him in some active gaming but he won't do it.  I've tried getting him to go for walks but it's always "too hot" to go outside.  He did lose a significant amount of weight once when he was competing in an office weight-loss challenge.  But when the challenge was over he gained it all back and then some.  He won't tell me how much he weighs but it must be 270-300lb.  He's average height.  Occasionally he will start exercising--20 minutes or so of weights or treadmill.  But he doesn't adjust his food intake.  And after a week or so he makes an excuse about not feeling well and he quits.  He just won't commit to the discipline and work it takes to lose weight.

His back hurts, he's always hot, he can't do anything physical, his clothes don't fit, his wife won't have sex with him, and he'll probably die before our kids are out of school.  But still he eats.

And I am profoundly sad over it.  I don't believe it will ever change.  And I can't say these things to other people.  But I wanted to say it somewhere.... 

 Posted by PinkPink on the  My Fat Spouse Forum


  1. I seriously empathize. I am a male version of you - ultra fit. My wife doesn't care about that or her own fitness/weight. It is a sad and helpless feeling.

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  2. I just found this site and yours happens to be the first post I read. Thank you!! I'm in nearly the identical boat and have been dying to say the same stuff. Reading it from another is a fantastic relief!

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  4. I feel the EXACT same about my husband. I am a health coach, but he tried my program for me and not himself and not only failed due to his lack of commitment, but refuses to try it or anything similar again. He overspends our budget on fast food. I even got him to see a therapist but he refuses to address the underlying emotional issues. I am so tired of dealing with the fat blob I have to hug and try to make love to. I am tired of fearing he may just up and die soon ans leave me and my kids alone. None of this is motivating enough to him. And that makes me feel even worse. I try to support and love and back off and encourage, but I cringe inside every time he buys the huge sodas and fried foods whenever our family goes out to eat or when he wants to cuddle in bed. I want to hug HIM and cuddle with HIM, not his huge overhanging belly. I don't want to hear the wheezing and snoring. I want him to be the active guy he used to be ans still professes to be. He plays rugby but looks ridiculous trying to run on the field, and always has to quit the season early and help on the sidelines because of his bad back...really its because he cant hack it. I want the truly happy, energetic, healthy husband I know he can be. I sont want these guilty, painful feelings. I do a pretty good job of looking past at most times and being positive, but it totally wears on me. I dont know what to do!!


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