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Saturday, June 8, 2013

I love her spirit, not her body

To the creators of this site - you have my eternal thanks. I was a lurker for several months before joining, and my motivation was the desire to have a place to come to share my frustration about the woman whose spirit I love, whose body I don't.

A little background. When we met, I was 5'9" about 180 lbs. I worked out about 4 times a week (not little sissy workouts either) for about an hour. My wife was 5'5" about 145 lbs., very Sisterly figure as we used to say around the way, and she used to work out too. To be honest, since then I've balooned up to 220lbs, and she's now in the 200 lbs neighborhood. Difference between me and her is that I still feel confident. When I go out with my boys (which is maybe once every 2 months) I get my fair share of attention from women. But I'm married, so that's a no no.

She feels horrible about her weight, and I've tried everything. We've got about $1K of unused exercise equipment in our basement, she's joined Jenny Craig and Weight Watcher and hasn't followed through on either of their plans. It frustrates me because we're spending money on things she's not using to address her weight problem.

And her weight drives her depression and bad eating habits. And her depression reinforces her weight issues. And it;'s no fun living in the eye of that cyclone.

And damn do we argue alot. Makeup sex is good, but otherwise I'm not really feeling her physically. The woman I love is in there, surrounded by all this fat that repulses me.

Even though I see women around that are more appealing, I'm still married so I don't act on it. What I am starting to do is recreate more of the life I had when we met - reading more, going out with friends and exercising again.

But so much of what I miss about her we can't do because her body won't allow her to do. Like the song by Musiq Sould Child "Damn, I just want my friend back!"

posted by "BrotherJ" on the My Fat Spouse Forum

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