The Latest Forum Posts

Monday, June 17, 2013

Husband in Denial

I just noticed this site this morning. Thank you! It is like a gift to find others whom have the same struggles as I do. People dont understand what it is like to have an obese partner unless they walk in your shoes.

I've been married now for 2 years. (Been married previously to a man I was attracted to, he passed away. I am 42) When I met my husband he was overweight and I just told myself he has a big heart that is "what matters" He was overweight at that time and it was tolerable. He had showed me pics of when he had been obese in the past and I flat told him if you were that weight now I would never have dated you. He is there now. I would guess he weighs close to 375-400 lbs.
Even though I know he is my husband, I should love him for who he is, it still is hard to deal with.

I have had a serious talk with him. He got angry and made comments back about my weight etc. Yes I am overweight but not to his extreme. "I" fit in seats, I dont break furniture, I try to have a
healthy lifestyle by walking and being aware of what I eat. He did reply later that he would try to lose weight for the family but it had to be his decision, in his time.....well that time still hasnt happened and
months later I still see him ballooning.

I can't even get close to him anymore, I see him in his underwear and just get sick to my stomach. Please understand there is a difference between obese layers of fat hanging and what some of those on this site complain about 20 lbs. I could live with 50 lbs overweight.... this is just inexcusable.

It is embarrasing to travel because he doesnt fit in airline seats and needs an extension, he can bareley get in a car and I just cringe every time we are in public just seeing his efforts to get in places, not be able to sit in chairs or being worried they will break or seeing all his clothes get ripped out. He has to walk slow because of his legs rubbing together, it is frustrating to me in airports etc because I am a fast walker.

It is difficult to make love because I dont want to touch all the fat. Because of his weight it is hard to have sex (and side effects...) He acts like it is my fault, like I dont like sex, how do I tell him it is because of the way he looks? It is just much easier when you are attracted to your partner (I know from past experience)

He is a good dad and husband otherwise so I feel like a shmuck even talking about this but I thought maybe this would be a place where others would understand, be in my position, and be able to offer me suggestions and encouragement. I am not happy being in a marriage that there is not that intimate connection.... but I hate the thought of leaving for that reason only. (Plus I dont want to put my boys through another loss)


click here to read more in the My Fat Spouse Archives

1 comment:

  1. I need help also. I am not attracted to husband at all. I must admit he is not 375lbs but he is roughly 300lbs. This may not sound like alot to most people but he is almost 3 times my weight. I weigh 110. Needless to say sex with him is painful and sickening. He is in denial big time. He has so many excuses for everything and nothing is his fault. I have tried to suggest a few times to go the gym with me or take a walk with me in the neighborhood, but he wont do anything. He realizes our sex life needs improvement however I have not directly told him loosing weight would help. I believe I will have to have a candid conversation with him this weekend. I have read on other sites that telling your spouse you are not attracted to them could make them angry, but at this point I don't have a choice. I can't continue this way. I find myself becoming more and more attracted to other men. I am completely ashamed of my thoughts for we know thoughts give way to actions. Most adultry begins with a thought. I honor the sanctity of marriage and this has completely caught me off guard. I am so desperate for help. Of course lack of intimacy leads to other problems and we are seeking a counselor for that.


Find us at again at