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Friday, January 22, 2010

Putting to rest guilty feelings of 'shallowness' by A101

I've mentioned something along these lines before, but I have a newer perspective on it.

When many people come on here, many say the same thing:
'I feel shallow because i'm not attracted to my partner'

'Everyone else (who coincidentally doesn't have to go to bed with your spouse) says i'm shallow'

'I feel like a shallow failure for feeling this'

'I'm a bad person and hate myself for my shallowness'

Etc etc etc.

But its time for a change and a realisation and acceptance that your feelings are first of all NORMAL. Physical attraction is as important in a relationship as any other type of attraction, be it emotional, spiritual or any other connections you feel.

But back to the issue of so called 'shallowness'.

Other people (and fat militants) can look at someone who says they are no longer attracted to their partner and call them a whole host of names and also say this magic line:

'So you only care about looks? That is so shallow'

But the thing is, if a partner doesn't look after themselves:

1) It is a NORMAL human response to find them less attractive.


2) Your sex life and private life suffers


3) Frustration builds


4) Other parts of your life can get on top of you


5) You find things less enjoyable


6) You find it less enjoyable being around your partner or you like them more as a friend as you like their personality, however you also want a sexual partner


7) Resentment/ frustration, or both can build from knowing you no longer have an enjoyable private life, or a full imtimate relationship


8) Needs continue to go unmet


9) As time goes on and things don't change, life seems to become a monotonous tirade of disapointment


10) Other people telling you your feelings are bad can hurt you even more and make you feel more alone in your situation

so now

11) You're not only in a hard situation, but now you have no-one to turn too


12) Continuous frustration builds as the years pass away

and eventually

13) You end up on

A person not looking after themselves not only changes an outward appearnce, it runs very deep. Changing feelings and emotions. Stopping needs from being met. Hurts their partner. Hurts their own body.

Not looking after physical attraction (just like not looking after other aspects of life or relationships), causes a ripple effect, change other things, which themselves change things again.

In reality (no matter how much a lazy spouse or fat militant wants to deny it) not looking after physical attaraction in a relationship changes things that run deep.

And if it runs deep.............then how is it 'shallow'????

A101 is a regular contributer to My Fat Spouse


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