Am I wrong to want my partner to take care of her appearance?

Let me start by saying that I love my partner of 14 years. But her weight gain has really affected my desire for any hint of a sex life.

She has gained about 35 pounds during the last 2 years. It has been bothering me for a while but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. It makes me feel shallow.

I’ve been encouraging her for nearly a year to take better care of herself. For example, eating right and exercising. Finally, a few days ago she seemed to want to start losing weight because she started to exercise—doing sit ups and walking. I was excited that she was taking an interest and told that we could do this together. 

Over the weekend, she bought a sleeveless shirt that was 2 sizes too small for her. I could see rolls of fat and her arms have cellulite and are flabby. If she wants to let herself go like this that’s one thing but dressing like she’s 22 with a hot body is ridiculous. Seeing her like that really bothered me. Never mind the fact she was trying to get me into bed all weekend. I kept making excuses and finally just asked her for time without saying as to why.

Saturday night when she was changing for bed she turned around and I could see this second stomach bursting from her midsection. I can say without exaggeration it REPULSED me.

Fast forward to her NEW exercising routine (I also want to mention that she drinks quite a bit). She took a long walk Tuesday night and said that she was going to take another the next night and also stop by a nearby friend’s house. By the time she gets home she’s drunk. Apparently her vigorous exercise routine incorporates beer lifting. Now that’s great for the already expanding waist line.

I was so mad I said something really awful. First, we argued about her drinking. She explained to me that she wasn’t an alcoholic but a “social alcoholic.” After arguing for 10 minutes, she started up the stairs and called me a “cold fish.”:I had had it. I shot back “Yeah. You’re just so APPEALING.”

Now she’s seething with rage and won’t talk to me. Am I wrong? Not to be conceited but I’m an attractive woman who takes good care of herself. And no offense guys (I’m a lesbian)—if I wanted this I could have married some bubba. I’m both very angry and guilty.

Any suggestions? Am I wrong to want my partner to take care of her appearance? What should I do?


James@15  posted this on Matilda Tuesday's My Fat Spouse Forum

Tracking My Fat Spouse's Progress...LORD, will it work this time?

For Father's Day 2010, I got an interesting gift from my spouse.  P90X the in-home fitness program.  At that point, the spouse exclaimed that she was going to commit to losing 100+ pounds between then and May 2011.  Looking back on her track record, I believed she would commit and succeed.  Days became weeks...weeks became months... by NewYear 2011, only 10 pounds had dropped.  She hadn't followed P90X (Yes, it is an extreme in-home workout program) even with the most liberal of modifications.

I, on the other hand, committed.  By NewYear, I lost 22 lbs down from 222 - 200 lbs.  I went down from waist size 38" to 36".  All this was lived out in front of her as she would sit back and not bash but praise my success.

My success finally had a breakthrough at the end of February.  She began to express an interest in joining me for some core routine workouts.  Now, it is March 9th.  We are finishing up our third week of "Couple's Core" workouts nightly for 25 minutes.  This small change adding physical exertion to the rest of her efforts (diet and HCG), has netted her a 25 lb weight loss :)

For the HEALTH of it (she has no cartilage in her knees and is in pain as a result of the 300+ lbs resting on them over the past 25 years)...I can't stand by and watch her flush this motivation down the toilette.  I really want her to follow through with this effort and goal of becoming a candidate for total knee replacement.  I am afraid the family only has about 1-5 years left of life with a mother around if she cashes it all in for another round of setbacks and giving into the monster of self indulging narcissism comforted by her best friend in life...FOOD.


Posted by Dan
on Matilda Tuesday's My Fat Spouse Forum