Very obese wife wants me to still be attracted to her.

My wife is really obese and I am no longer attracted to her physically.  There I said it.  It feels good just to say it and not worry about how it will make her feel.  I have been reading the post on this site for weeks now and I want to post my story as well.  Maybe I will get some brilliant advice but it just feels good to finally say it.  I have been married for 15 years.  We have two beautiful children and a pretty good life.  I have a good job and my wife works part time.  Since we have been married my wife has steadily put on weight.  I gained weight with her and got really fat also but decided to change about 3 years ago.  I currently crossfit and follow and primal/paleo style of eating.  I have a very athletic build weigh about 185lbs at 5’11”.  My wife will not even tell me her weight.  She is 5’3” and I can only guess about 225lbs.  Like all marriages we have had our ups and downs but we seem to have a good relationship.  My issue is I am not attracted to the very obese woman she has become.  She is aware of this and is constantly questioning me about why I do not instigate sex or want to have sex more often.  Recently I finally admitted it was because of her weight and she was very hurt.  Her response was she can’t believe she is married to someone who cares so much about appearance.  I tried to explain that it is only natural.  It is in our genes to be attracted to fit people.  I have tried to encourage her to make some changes and exercise.  I am not expecting her to look like a fitness model or even anything close.  I just cannot get turned on by her physically.  We have discussed this recently a few times.  I even began packing her lunch to help.   I make her breakfast everyday and do lots of things to encourage her to eat better.  She still finds ways to go eat mountains of chocolate or ice cream or sugared up snacks.  She talks about wanting to exercise but she has been talking about doing that for many years.  I really want her to make a change.  I want her to be healthy and a normal weight.  When we first met she did not work out but she looked good.  We were in our early twenties and her body was curvy and sexy.  I love this woman so much.  She is such a good mom and a fantastic person.  She is very smart and so easy to talk too.  We have so much good together that I just cannot understand why she does not want to change.  She makes up some really poor excuses also for not changing.  I am worried we will be divorced but I am refusing to budge anymore.  She tries to initiate sex often lately and I turn her down which must be really hurtful and a huge blow to her ego.  What really makes me angry is she tells me I should not care how she looks.  You know the same old crap we see, read, or hear in the public about for better or worse and if you truly loved her it would not matter.  That is all crap and she knows it.  It is just an excuse.  When I lost weight and got fit she could not keep her hands off of me.  I have abs and muscles all over me and I see other women looking when we go to the pool or just in public.  I have always been a handsome guy but when I was fat no one looked.  I don’t what to do at this point.  I have told her how I feel and that she needs to really change and stop being so selfish.  I have told her that this lifestyle choice is harming our marriage, our children and her health.  So far she has done nothing.   The worst part of it is that is always so tired.  I remember being like that.  She never has energy to do anything and then has the nerve to ask me why we never do anything almost like she is blaming me.  I love her dearly but I know if I continue to be firm we may end up divorced which I do not want.  Oh and she does not have to clean the house.  I have a house keeper and she only works a part time job of 20 hours or less a week.  She does not have any excuses.  I just think she is very content with her situation and does not want to change it.  Several years ago when I was working full time and going to college full time I know she was thinking about divorce.  She began going to the YMCA with a friend and dropped 25 lbs very quickly.  Once I finished school and reconciled our marriage she has gained all the weight back and I lost 51 lbs.  I know she can do it but for some reason chooses not to do this.  Your advice is welcome.

Posted by  yorktown38 
on the  My Fat Spouse Forum