I just have to express it.

     I am youngish and keep myself extremely fit, and make an effort with my clothes, hair, makeup, and general appearance.  I admit I am a little vain, but looking good feels good, and keeps me healthy.  

My hubby is a good one.  He is indulgent and often thoughtful.  I'd never cheat on him and have no intention of leaving.  But he makes zero effort on his appearance.  He is so fat that he looks 14 months pregnant, with a huge belly and boobs that are way bigger than mine.  His skin is often clammy to touch because he sweats all the time.  He shuns outdoor activity because it is "too hot" unless it is winter, and can manage little physical effort without great discomfort. I can't help but be repulsed when he's sitting on the couch.  I want to be married to a man that has a man's body, not a head attached to a big amorphous blob.  He looks like a beached whale when he lies down on the couch.  I want to have sex, but I want it with someone whose body I can feel:  Bones and muscles--not clammy blubbery goo.  I hate being crushed underneath or having to smash down on a giant gut.  We are rarely intimate.  He thinks I simply have no sex drive.  I do.

His teeth are yellow and he won't use the whitening strips I've gotten, even after subtle, not-so-subtle, and finally blatant cues.  Not even after pleading when I explained that yellow teeth look like a dirty, malodorous mouth, and it puts me off of kissing.

I serve healthy meals in reasonable portions.  I don't keep junk food in the house.  He just eats too damn much all the time--and I suspect he eats a lot of garbage outside of the house.  I've had to start hiding the cereal our kids eat because he eats it all before they can have any--I told him I don't buy it anymore, and that it's because he eats it all.  He eats everything, like he's a garbage disposal.  He told me the other day, when I complained that he'd eaten our son's leftover pizza that I should mark things if he isn't supposed to eat them.

We have a Wii Fit and I've tried involving him in some active gaming but he won't do it.  I've tried getting him to go for walks but it's always "too hot" to go outside.  He did lose a significant amount of weight once when he was competing in an office weight-loss challenge.  But when the challenge was over he gained it all back and then some.  He won't tell me how much he weighs but it must be 270-300lb.  He's average height.  Occasionally he will start exercising--20 minutes or so of weights or treadmill.  But he doesn't adjust his food intake.  And after a week or so he makes an excuse about not feeling well and he quits.  He just won't commit to the discipline and work it takes to lose weight.

His back hurts, he's always hot, he can't do anything physical, his clothes don't fit, his wife won't have sex with him, and he'll probably die before our kids are out of school.  But still he eats.

And I am profoundly sad over it.  I don't believe it will ever change.  And I can't say these things to other people.  But I wanted to say it somewhere.... 

 Posted by PinkPink on the  My Fat Spouse Forum