Epiphany

I have been struggling with my wife's obesity and gluttony for so long that I often find myself resorting to wishful thinking to cope.   Sometimes, though, I am filled with despair and, though I am loath to admit it, disgust, to see her letting herself go with no regard for either my feelings or even her own health and appearance.  She was such a pretty woman at one time!  Now there are days she doesn't leave her room except to go into the kitchen and she weighs well over 400 lbs.  Not to make excuses, but I sometimes think that my daily exposure to her wantonness has coarsened me as well.  Out of respect for her privacy, though, I avoided telling anyone.  But now I must come clean, albeit with strangers.  Perhaps that is a step in the right direction?  It has taken me years to find the courage to face up to this extremely unpleasant truth.  I would always deceive myself with the latest clinical euphemism: 'emotional eater', 'obsessive compulsive disorder', 'food addiction', etc..  It never occurred to me that my wife was simply a glutton, no more, no less.  (Her mother recently revealed that she used to sneak food into her bedroom as a teenager.)  Such biblical language seemed too harsh and judgmental and; after all, she was my wife and it was inconsistent with my notion of femininity.  But it worked for people for centuries and now I am forced to acknowledge that their view fits the reality of my situation.  Taking a good long look at her binging late one night recently, brought me to my epiphany, though it sickened me as well.  It seems that I myself had to be viscerally effected before I could see that side of her that she had so long hidden from me.   I am not the kind of man who buries his head in the sand when problems occur.  Obviously I have been aware of her overeating for a long time.  I watched the scale numbers climb and was often pained to see how much she was spending on food and clothing.  And, yes, there have been arguments over it.  But I have been for the most part the most sympathetic of spouses, bottling up my own feelings and fears.  For some reason, though, until I saw her sitting there, so obviously out of control, I didn't realize the depths of her depravity.  What finally got to me, I think, was the fact she was in such a hurry to begin feasting that she didn't even  think to put her bathrobe on after getting out of bed.  And when I offered to get it she said 'No, just go back to sleep'.  Well I'm not going back to sleep.  Now that I know what she really is, I intend to present her with an ultimatum: lose the weight or lose me.   

Posted by "Roy" on the My Fat Spouse Forum