Women and Porn

This is from one of Mary45's posts from the "Finding a Sex Buddy" thread on the My Fat Spouse forum


I have a hard time pinpointing exactly why, but I'm sometimes very irritated with womens' abhorrence for porn while I agree that probably most things about how the industry works is very wrong, but I don't think that porn in itself is necessarily a bad thing. I'm also convinced that more or less all men consume it to some extent, and very few are addicted to it. Some women also enjoy porn, but I'm not one of them, I'm not "visual" in that respect.

What iffs me is first and foremost the way women discuss the females who make a living that way. It's true that many aren't treated well, are too young and not paid well enough and so on. However, women who get all worked up over the "exploitation" of the sex-workers have no problems with buying clothes, furniture, fabrics etc that are produced by veritable (child)slave labor. Regarding sweat shops, child labor and so on, no-one is suggesting that we should stop buying clothes and furniture altogether, but rather that we need more consumer awareness and these industries must take responsibility for where the goods is coming from and how and by whom it's made.

What I'm saying is that imo rather than condemning porn as a whole we need something along the lines of a "fair trade" system/label on porn. The industry should not be run by people on the fringes of criminal organisations that operate in human trafficking, there should be a minimum age (25?), the working conditions must be properly regulated and that sort of thing. Porn that feeds violence, rape, abuse of minors etc should not be tolerated either.

What I can't agree with is the view that all female sex-workers are victims, and either mentally disturbed and ill or forced/lured into the industry. Certainly, the way the industry is operated in large parts of the world today too many women are indeed victims, but there are also many who do it of their own free will and do not need to be "saved from themselves". If a grown up woman choses this line of work, then I don't see why society should object. And incidentally, I don't see anyone being worried about the fate of the male sex-workers. All in all it looks to me like our strong reaction against porn is based on a very Victorian idea about women: A woman who is sexually promiscuous is either mentally ill or a victim, and having sex with several men or her naked body seen by a multitude of men, is unnatural and will inevitably lead to her destruction.

Incidentally, a young female feminist researcher in my neck of the woods recently conducted a study on the local sex workers (mainly prostitution). Her conclusion was that, contrary to popular belief, for the women it can be a job just like any other, the majority of them are not victims of child-abuse or rape, nor drug addicts, and are able to move on with their lives without having suffered any apparent damage.

All in all, I believe that the real reason why women feel so strongly against porn is the idea that the men in our lives secretly harbour a fantasy about all those beautiful, sexy girls and would wish to be intimate with one of them rather than with us. It's very natural to feel that way, and I used to feel threatened by those images myself when I was younger and less secure and confident. However, what irritates me to no end is that, the way it looks to me, women (feminists) hide the real reasons for their anti-porn stance behind talk about "exploitation" and "objectification" of women - and don't usually even bother to find out and ask the sex-workers themselves how they really feel about their work, who they are and where they come from.

And having said that I'm bracing myself for the classical question "would you be happy to have your daughter work in porn?" Absolutely not, I would be devastated. But that doesn't change the fact that an adult woman is free to make that career choice, and it's not necessarily destructive by definition. It's a different matter that our societies label sex-workers as morally questionable, but again one might discuss whether these views ought to change rather porn be prohibited.

This is from one of Mary45's posts from the "Finding a Sex Buddy" thread on the My Fat Spouse forum