"Why did I get married"

I watched a television movie over the weekend entitled, "Why did I get married", which featured a fictional group of friends whose marriages all suffer from one challenge or another. I'm more into action and comedies, but thought I'd give it a try. I mention it here because the dynamic of one couple centered around her obesity/his infidelity. As the movie progressed, I found myself mystified and grouchy over how our society continues to perpetuate the obese martyr concept, which necessitates there be a villain(the fit spouse). As expected, the marriage failed, then the fat wife found herself a better, nicer, handsomer man, who loved her no matter what, so she just naturally dropped the pounds(yeah right), whilst her ex-husband was left to regret his bad choice. I've seen this dysfunctional theme repeated over and over again, both in fictional characters, and here on this forum. The fact is, if you love your spouse and want your marriage to succeed, you will keep it and yourself healthy. And, as a woman, I must say loud and clear, the human form is not appealing when distorted by obesity, and if you can't push your caboose up the hill, how the hell can you expect to sexually engage your spouse? Everything is compromised. You can't live a full, happy life unless/until you reclaim your health. You can't effectively contribute toward a wholesome marriage until you yourself are balanced.

Posted by Ann on the My Fat Spouse Forum

Mojo on Marriage

The institution of marriage existed long before the formation of the state or civil authority. From its very founding, the state had to recognize the institution of the marriage tradition in order to cement its legitimacy. The civic establishment's primary purpose should be to recognize and protect Individual Liberty and contract law. Instead, the secular state has encroached upon what was traditionally a sacred institution between God and Man(meaning man and woman). This corruption might be partly responsible for the crackup and disintegration of the Marriage Institution today, as one or both parties entering into a civil marriage may come to view the distorted enforcement of civil contract law(which is another topic altogether) as a means of obtaining advantage over the other spouse, i.e.: a spouse who though once attractive, becomes either fat, lazy and gluttonous, yet wanting to keep their health conscious spouse who remains attractive bonded to them by refusing to grant a divorce thus in essence preventing the fit spouse from legally finding another more suitable mate(FatSpouse therefore has no incentive to modify their behavior), or the obese spouse who uses the threat of the civic Tort Law to seize their spouses' property or future earnings should the other attempt divorce(again there is no incentive for the neglectful spouse to change either). Anciently there were many societies and cultures in existence that recognized the Rights of both men and women to marry or divorce whom ever and whenever they wanted, while protecting the property rights of both. Probably far from ideal by todays standards, Spartian women endured a tough life but also enjoyed many more rights and freedoms unheard of by most Greeks at the time, or even by modern women today. For instance, they could take a new husband if the old husband was gone away too long, and some even practiced polyandry (having more than one husband), they owned their own property and generally had a great deal of influence in the ruling of the then city-state of Sparta.

It was in these cultures, like ancient Sparta, that both men and women competed for mates, and after marriage continued to compete for those same affections. Maybe that's what is lacking today. I'm not saying, physically competing, but being able to have greater freedom to choose a mate, or not choose, and to be able to dissolve the covenant or take another spouse if need be should the former not fulfill their portion of the marriage contract. Perhaps then there would be a greater sense of accountably on account of each spouse, and therefor as a result, much less marital strife, discord and divorce. We claim to have so much more Freedom today, than our ancestors did, but do we really? Obviously this is true for much of the Western world, but I wonder if many of the problems that exist today like obesity and the failure of the Marriage Institution could have existed in ancient Sparta? I doubt it. I'm not advocating a conversion to a Spartan type culture, it was after all very brutal life in many ways, but in some ways the Spartans were way ahead of their time concerning certain aspects of Individual Liberty, especially for women. We could probably learn a thing or two by studying the lessons that history would like to teach us. Maybe we would be a lot happier in our marriages-we would certainly be a lot healthier.

Posted by Mojo on My Fat Spouse

Does PCOS cause weight gain?

Saying that thyroid issues and PCOS CAUSE weight gain, may be true, but that's usually cause you're in a loop. I really believe that the majority of PCOS and thyroid issues are brought on in large part by weight gain.

The problem with western medicine is that people forget everything is organically interconnected in the body. If you throw one system out of whack it causes a chain reaction. And weight is very closely tied in with hormones, as are what types of foods you eat, which can be tied in with weight. If you're sensitive to certain hormonal issues, simple carbs are not your friend and will exacerbate any existing predisposition you might have.

By the same token, getting blood sugar under control with a healthy diet and exercise, often does wonders for hormones that were thrown out of whack by the same things. I was told if I got PCOS it was irreversible beeause it was a "syndrome" but I did a lot of research and found women who'd changed their entire lifestyle who no longer had PCOS. And if you have absolutely no symptoms of a disease how can you really have that disease in any more than a "superstition" capacity.

Type 2 diabetes is also possible to reverse with extreme lifestyle changes. But some doctors don't even acknowledge this. While a few others who've seen it happen, do.

I think the problem with acting like an illness brought on largely by lifestyle is "irreversible" is that it makes people think: "why bother, I already screwed up" It takes away hope, and that often takes away motivation.

I fully acknowledge that some people have screwed up hormones that they themselves didn't create through weight gain. So I know some people get PCOS before they ever gain weight and then the PCOS causes weight gain, for me...getting to "borderline PCOS" it was the reverse...the weight gain screwed up my hormones.

Also, the first doctor I went to about the hormone stuff, she told me she could tell "just by looking at me" that I had PCOS because I had some symptoms and where my weight gain was and that I needed to lose weight. She said this while being at LEAST 100 pounds overweight.

Needless to say I switched doctors. And the new doctor actually performed the blood work and the ultrasound necessary to diagnose me and I had symptoms but I didn't actually have the type of cysts that make PCOS, PCOS so it was determined I was borderline. I knew I needed to lose weight, but at least I didn't have an obese doctor telling me to do it.

posted by Yoga Nut on the My Fat Spouse Forum

HAES - yes or no? by Mary45

HAES - yes or no?
When you read the FA-blogs you notice that there's a lot of talk about exercising according to the principles of HAES (Health at Every Size). One of the leading HAES-gurus and fitness-instructors is Kelly Bliss (www.kellybliss.com).

The basic idea is that the primary goal of exercise should be health and not weight-loss, and that you can enjoy exercise regardless of your size. This all sounds wonderful to me, good health and not appearance should be the ultimate goal for any exercise-regime, and your size should never prevent you from working out. I'm all for this philosophy - but after checking out Kelly Bliss' homepage I still have a huge problem with HAES.

For exercise to improve your health you need to challenge your body. It goes without saying that the intensity that is needed depends on how fit you are. For someone who weighs 250 pounds and is new to exercise a 10 min walk or similar can be more than enough of a challenge, but for someone who has some 30-40 pounds extra and is used to walking, a gym-session with some jogging or other cardio, plus some resistance-training, that works up a good sweat is a good beginner-level challenge.

IMO a good rough thumb-rule is that at beginner-level you should sweat and feel some discomfort for some 20-30 mins for a work-out to be beneficial.

The idea is that when you get into an exercise regime your fitness improves, and you gradually have to do more to keep challenging your body and get continued health-benefits.

It's up to the individual what level of fitness you think is enough for you, ie when you think that you are in so good a shape that you don't concentrate on continuous improvement, but just on maintaining the level that you have achieved.

Aquatic Fitness

OK, so I wanted to discuss aquatic exercise and fitness briefly. I think that a lot of FA ladies do a once-a-week water aerobics class where they put in minimal effort and think that this workout should be enough exercise for anyone.

I think aquatic fitness like this can be very effective if done with a lot of effort, consistency, and longer than just a half hour. I have been "water jogging," lap swimming, and doing deep water resistance exercises at my gym lately due to some knee, ankle and back pain I've been dealing with. I know it's working because my muscles feel sore after a good, hour-or-longer workout where I moved quickly and worked hard against the water the whole time. But I know for a fact that water exercises can be very easy and not very effective if you don't actually push yourself.

If you and your spouse can't communicate about the weight issue- by 'Elizabeth'

I am a marriage counselor and psychotherapist and I have heard this story before. I have a patient who met with his wife's therapist with his wife about 5-10 years ago and complained about her weight and was reprimanded. The wife ended up losing weight anyway and they are still married but having other problems. I think it's terrible that the former counselor told my patient that he was out of line for commenting on his wife's weight. I don't know how fat she was exactly, but she is normal size, not skinny, now. Of course, my patient has had his own problems; he had a drug problem for a long time but is now in recovery.
For weight problems I recommend either Weight Watchers or Overeaters Anonymous. Everyone I know who has gone to Weight Watchers has lost weight, anywhere from 7 to 100 lbs. I've heard fewer success stories from OA but I think that's because OA addresses compulsive behavior rather than portion control.
If you and your spouse can't communicate about the weight issue, I suggest marital counseling.

I don't see a lot of obese people in my practice because I am located in Manhattan. People here have to walk to get around, even if they own cars, and there is a heavy (no pun intended) emphasis on fashion, looks and style.

In most cases of obesity, unless there is a medical complication such as polycystic ovary syndrome, the obesity is an addiction just like any other addiction. It's essential for any addict to take responsibility for their behavior. That's what the 12-step program is focused on. I think overeating is a difficult addiction though because the original 12-step programs were based on complete abstinence. Addicts in general have difficulty taking responsibility for their behavior. At heart the problem is characterological. Many addicts have personality traits of passivity and entitlement. That's why they often aren't sympathetic to others.For the spouse, I noticed that somewhere on this site there is an ad for the book "Fat is a Family Affair" which I highly recommend. It's possible the spouse is engaged in some type of co-dependent behavior. Also, if the obesity didn't exist at all before the marriage, it's possible that unspoken resentments, sexual issues and other problems are contributing.

Elizabeth wrote this for the My Fat Spouse Forum

If you complain about a fat spouse... By A101

If you complain about a fat spouse STFU!....no! -

http://rioiriri.blogspot.com/2007/12/short-opinion-on-dan-savage-thing.html

A tiny thread from some blog most people havnt heard of. But anyway,it spouts the same old idea of if you dont find your overweight partner attractive then you'e bad, never loved them and yada ya.

When will these people realise the differacne between love and attraction and that to have a proper full relationship, many need to have EVERYTHING there.

These people say 'right on its personality not looks', but the thing is, if thats fine for them then great, however to me that type pf partner just sounds like a friend.

People still need a sex life and if looks aren't needed for YOu then fine, but to think that they are irrelevant or 'just packaging' for EVERYONE is stupid.

A person changes when they get older as they say, but they don't to the point of massive weight gains, naturally. That comes from not looking after yourself.

So in the style of words of this blogger 'If you have a fat spouse, shut the fuck up'. It doesn't matter if your partner doesn't look after themselves, therefore taking your sexlife, also causing frustration and resentment to build, because you are a normal human being and physical attraction is an important part of attraction as any other.

You should love them anyway............oh wait you DO, as everyone on here shows, they want their partner to be healthier aswell as look after the physcial side so everything is there for their relationship..........hmm who'd have thought that people would actually want a proper full relationship that they enjoy rather then only having certain bits that others have chosen for them?

A Fat Spouse like the Blacksmith who left out the 'Nail' that Lost the Kingdom by Mojo

Most agree that the marriage is a form of a contract or agreement of one form or another, either secular, civil, ecclesiastical, individual or a combination of all to varying degrees. Regardless, I could relate this to the binding contract or oath of many, both men and women, who serve in the Military. Most all Armies of the world, without exception, have certain health standards that are based ,among others, mainly on height to weight ratio or BMI. These standards exist for many obvious reasons, namely, the Battlefield is not “normalized” to give weaker enemy soldiers a 'fair shake'. Certain standards are required prior to enlistment or commission, and are expected to be maintained throughout. Failure to maintain these standards usually results in various forms of disciplining, counseling, or outright termination and discharge; usually under 'dishonorable' or 'less than honorable' conditions. The military considers the soldier's body as not his own, but the Army's. However, the soldier has 'stewardship' over what the Army considers 'government property'.
While in the Service, I witnessed a soldier receive a Article 15 (reprimand) for not wearing his uniform top while digging a fighting position in the desert sun. The soldier stated that he was hot and that he felt “more comfortable” not wearing his shirt which he said made him sweat, even though he had been previously counseled to avoid exposing the bare skin to the sun’s intense rays. The over exposure resulted in a severe sunburn, and subsequent issue by medical personnel, a temporary 'profile' that prevented this soldier from performing all of his expected duties. His superiors charged the soldier with "Destruction of Government Property." The reprimand he eventually received was considered by many of his peers to be "too extreme"-at the time, I felt as did the others. However, with experience that usually accompanies age, I now see the wisdom of the commanding officers in meting out the form of punishment ultimately given. No others followed suit. The details here are not as important as the principle. The soldier had taken an oath to the organization to which he joined himself voluntarily. The oath of his allegiance required certain performances and expectations of duty or sacrifice. In exchange the soldier received certain basic necessities, like food, clothing, housing, and pay; and other privileges like funding for future education, along with other benefits. Although the soldier's actions were judged not to be due to 'malingering'(feigning illness to avoid combat or duty), his neglect had the same end result, in that he was unable, for a period of time at least, to fulfill his duty. Therefore he became a liability to his unit rather than an asset, in that he was using organizational resources, but unable to carryout the responsibility untrusted to him. He thus became a "weak link" in the organization chain. His neglect to use 'common sense' in a combat environment greatly compromised not only his own safety and ability to safeguard his position, but the safety of his "fellows" who trusted him to watch their flanks while they watched his, and ultimately the safety of the entire unit and its ability to accomplish the mission. He had not become a casualty while fighting the enemy or in the performance of his required duty, but was a casualty of his own wanton ignorance and neglect. The derelict soldier can be likened to King’s Blacksmith in the fabled story,"For want of a nail the Kingdom was lost.”

Fat Men, Fat Women and Relationships

So it's rare on TV and such to see shows that pair an obese woman with a thin, muscular, hot man. But it's pretty common (as Smallwife said) to see shows where an obese man is paired with a fit, hot wife. Starting with the Honeymooners back in the 50's, and now we've recently seen it in shows like King of Queens and Family Guy (which is a cartoon, I know, but still...). It's an odd thing. Usually if there's a fat wife in a show, she is also paired with a fat husband (Rosanne is a good example, although not recent).

I know TV is fiction and can't possibly reflect real life, but I see a double standard. I'm not saying the evil patriarchy has anything to do with it or anything like that, it's just an interesting thing I've noticed about our pop culture. That it's somehow more okay for a man to be fat than a woman.

To me, a fat man is just as unappealing as a fat woman. Some people seem to think that fat men are like "teddy bears" or are "more cuddly." I tend to disagree.

Fat and Thin

I have felt the need to write this for awhile.

Having been an active participant in both fat and thin intamacy in the past year, it is very clear to me how much better it is to have sex when both partners are fit, thin, and healthy.

I know it is common for many overweight people to lose their sex drive. That wasn't me. Although our sex life didn't lack in quantity when I was fat, it was certainly very different in terms of quality.

Why Thin is Better Than Fat (from a woman's point of view, of course):

1. Only two things on a woman are really supposed to jiggle and bounce during sex.

2. It's a lot more fun being on top, having your partner looking up at you, and knowing he's absolutely crazy about what he sees.

3. Sex with lights on is a lot more pleasant. (Relates closely to #2, yes.)

4. Changes in position during a session (holy clinical speak) are more spontaneous and effortless.

5. Orgasms are generally more intense. (I have no scientific backing on this, I just write what I know.)

6. When receiving oral pleasure from your partner, it is fun to actually be able to watch your partner's tongue at work.

7. More flexibility just means more fun.

8. Up-against the wall sex, or sex in the shower is actually doable.

9. They don't make naughty schoolgirl costumes in Size 2X. (Was that my outside voice? )

Maybe you have a different perspective (men?) or more to add, but that's my take on this topic.

Remember!
It Is Disrespectful and Umsexy To Willingly Become Unattractive To Your Life Partner

posted by denimeyedmom on the My Fat Spouse Forum

Setting Up Your Spouse for Success by Ms. Fatty

I posted a little about this on my blog today: http://www.msfatty.com/how-do-you-deal-when-extreme-hunger-strikes/

I have spent more time in the past punishing and shaming myself than my spouse has. At any rate, the puritan philosophy of "punishment and shame" really only sets fattys up for failure. I see this in my own life.

What you want to do is set your spouse up for success. In my house this means the skinny spouse has to store his snacks in his room or go out for pizza or whatever, because our kitchen is designed for health and wellness, it is designed for success.

It's practically impossible for me to fail on my diet at home (and I don't eat out but less than once a month).

6 months ago I set myself up for success with quitting smoking by getting one of those e-cigs. haven't touched tobacco since then. Quitting was practically painless. I've tried to quit multiple times. The e-cig really does set up the smoker for quitting success. :-)

I applied this to my kitchen. It's now a virtually painless environment for me. There's barks, twigs, seaweeds, tofu, whole wheat bread, brown rice, etc. If a hunger pang strikes, I'm set up for success not to go over 300 extra calories on top of my 800-900 a day.

I also feel that the very low calorie diet has set me up for success, retraining my brain to accept less food.

Just my opinion here... would like to see everyones spouses succeed! :-)

Ms. Fatty posted this on the My Fat Spouse Forum

Emergency Care & the Obese Patient

As a mortuary arts student, I have a lot of call to be grateful that my patients are already gone by the time I see them. As stressful as grieving families may be, they are the prime source of stress; I don't have to make life or death decisions. And I'm glad, because I ran across this page while I was surfing on a nurse board:

Emergency Care Considerations for the Obese

I have just spent a couple of weekends at the Red Cross taking disaster services classes (eh, why not?), and so now I'm certified in First Aid (which I think is a hoot considering my primary job). I did not consider the difficulties of the obese patient, and it wasn't covered in my class. It's likely few of the thousands or millions of people certified in First Aid have considered these issues. By the time you've got towels and dowels and God knows what else propping your unfortunate client up into the proper position, they will no longer be in the land of the living-- you only have a few minutes to work with!

And how about chest compressions? How are you going to know you're compressing a couple of inches when you've got tons of inches to worry about?

Obesity may be a condition you can live with, but only so long as you are certainly ALIVE. When you're in that gray area where you could possibly be saved by skillful action, that skillful action is made much more difficult. It's only 50/50 under the best circumstances!

posted by the Buddhist Mortician on the My Fat Spouse Forum

Rhonda's Progress Log

Rhonda's Progress Log may be just about the strangest thing ever posted on the My Fat Spouse Forum. Brother Crash posted regular updates for almost two years. Sadly, myfatspouse.com went down before the story ended and Crash never checked in on myfatspouse.org.


Dear Friends and Supporters:

For those of you unfamiliar with my post, I am going to be running a log of the progress that is made/or not made.

The short end of the story, my fiancee is 5'6" and weighed in at 288lbs at her heaviest with 46.5% body fat.

I'm going to simply add to this posting to keep things cleaner over the next several months. I hope that this helps you, I'll also be posting a recipe section that I've been using to get the weight off of her and maintain my own health.

4-29-07: 283lbs 46.5% BF
Rhonda has slowly adapted to eating lunches I prepare for her. The truth is she has never eaten quite so much in terms of food. It's simply not junk food, so in terms of volume, nutrition and fiber, she's up there now.

The hardest pitfall to overcome right now is getting her to drink enough water. Even in 32oz squirt bottles with ice and a little lemon, it's hard to convince a fat person to drink enough water. But blood sugar stabilization is critical to someone who is severely obese and they prefer cola and juice to water. If you can get them to drink unsweetened ice tea that will help.

Case in point, she just got back from church sporting a super size Wendy's cup. I asked, that's ice tea right? And she sheepishly said, no it's a coke. And I said, you don't need the coke and said I was going to pour it out. Her protest, BUT THAT COST 2 BUCKS! and I replied, and it's a half pound of FAT. And I poured it out with impunity and refilled the glass with ice tea.

When people are addicted to sugar you have to treat them like little kids. Don't allow excuses, just act. If they don't like it, they can get out of your life. They'd be doing you a favor anyway.

She is now working around the house and I have her scheduled for a walk later today.

She has a pedometer now and is expected to log 10,000 steps a day. If she doesn't she has to walk until she does. It's simple. It works and it helps keep people on track. Get a good one and it can't rack up false walking (they can't shake it to 10k steps).

Anyway, she is a few pounds lighter, but that is probably a lot of water weight too. I'll update this same post once a week. Hope to hear from you all. Warm Regards - Crash

4-30-07: 283lbs 46.5%BF

Holding the line is better than losing the battle. Her biggest problem seems to be drinking water. I'll step up her water consumption at night.

Today, I rolled out of bed as usual and made her lunch. She had a pounded grilled chicken breast on Arnold's Low Carb high fiber toast with a slice of pepperjack cheese and mustard. I also gave her a single serving of Trader Joe's spicy flax seed spicy nachos, a Larabar (date and cashew bar), a pineapple fruit leather and an apple for lunch. She has a small box (kid size) of raisins for a snack and a granola bar. For breakfast she had a yogurt smoothie and a multivitamin.

She has the healthy snack foods because in truth she spends the majority of her day at work, I wanted her to have some healthy choices for munching on instead of crap from a machine. She knows it's verbotten to cheat on her diet... so I found healthy snacks she enjoys and meter out the portions.

By the way, something you may want to invest in... a digital scale that measures in gram increments. The reason is that too many nutrition labels are WAY off. They will say a serving is 14 grams or 27 chips. So you count out 27 chips thinking you did great. WRONG! Because 14 grams actually equals 20 chips. Meaning you are eating ~25% more than you previously thought. The caloric calculations on virtually all food labels are done based on WEIGHT, not volume (as contents may settle... yatta yatta yatta). So take the time to measure how much you are really eating. You would be very suprised at what a REAL portion size equals.

One more GREAT TIP. When you buy a digital scale they will usually try to sell you a 50g calibration weight. This is unneccessary and overly expensive, they usually start at around 15 dollars. Here is a 50 cent solution. Go to the bank and pick up a roll of fresh nickels. Nickels weigh 5g a piece (precisely). Stack 10 of them on your scale and you are good to go FOR 50 CENTS instead of 15 DOLLARS. And when you are done you can use the 50 cents towards anything you like Come on! We know you've been looking to put a down payment on that new beamer!



5-4-07: 281lbs n/a%BF

Well the scale broke... so there is no %BF on this posting.

I am very proud of her success so far, but I want to make sure it continues. I have her eating breakfast (reversing a bad trend of skipping it for years) every morning and I think that helps control hunger throughout the day. Remember those Bill Cosby PSA's? Don't miss breakfast!

Rhonda's brother is in town. Yesterday she logged 13 miles of walking touring the great city of Philadelphia with her little brother. To top it off, she ate well in the morning, at lunch and at dinner. She really held her own and impressed me when she ordered a garden burger for dinner and then said to me "You know, I don't want to get the fries, see if they can sub them out for a small side salad or fruit."

I was truly impressed. At this point, I haven't gotten her into the gym as much, but I have been making her stay active.

The key to television and the computer has been simple for me.

I've told her "Listen, as long as you do your 30minutes of cardio walking when you get home, then I don't care WHAT you do with the rest of your evening. You can PLAY games till the cows come home, but you are going to bed at 10PM so budget your time accordingly."

I know that my methods are a bit authoritarian and some may wonder what will happen when I don't stay on top of her. Well, I'm teaching her HOW to LIVE a better lifestyle for herself. Whether I am in the picture or not won't matter shortly. My honest opinion is that if she stays on track for a year, she'll adapt to all of the changes and be hard pressed to give them up.

I will update again next Friday. I hope everyone is doing well. OH and I am posting the recipes in the DIET section today.


5-9-07: 279lbs 45.5% BF

Rhonda broke the 280 barrier. I must say I am pleasantly suprised. At this rate she's dropping alot of body fat and not eating away too much muscle. Of course, the body fat scales are always off a little bit. That is why you can't take it too seriously and use it only as a rough gauge.

She's been eating 3 meals a day plus 2 snacks a day. She's logging 7-10k steps a day before she even gets home. Now she is taking stairs when she can just to get in a tiny bit more exercise. She told me she hates it but she is motivated. She also will walk some at lunch to help rev her metabolism.

As I suspected she is seeing progress and is becoming self motivated.

When she wants a snack, she reaches for one of the healthy options. She knows that certain things are off limits at home. The Soy/Flax chips are simply for her lunches.

We've also been trying some new methods to make her feel fuller. She sometimes gets a bowl of tomato and roasted bellpepper soup (organic and not in a can) before dinner while she waits for it to be ready. This allows her stomach to send signals to her brain telling her she is actually full instead of eating to the point of gluttony.

In another 10 pounds or so (the next month) I expect to take her shopping. We're not throwing out the clothes because we'll be taking before and after pics using them.

I'm going to post more of what we're eating in the diet section. The food is really good and it's good for people who don't have a lot of time or money to spend. Eating healthy doesn't really cost as much as people say it does.

Her water intake is up and I told her if she's not peeing clear, then she needs to drink more water. I've also impressed upon her that she needs to drink water ALL day long. You don't stop after you drink 8 glasses because your body needs more than 8 glasses if you weigh more than 150lbs. EIGHT glasses is the MINIMUM. I am not saying drink 1 or 2 gallons in a sitting. Nobody wants to die of water toxicity. But drinking 8-16oz every hour won't hurt you in my opinion (unless you are on kidney dialysis or have some kind of health problem).

When she gets home today we'll be going for yet another walk in the park up the street. We'll be having the same dinner I posted in the diet section, Halibut-green beans-tomato/feta salad and a cup of brown rice.


5-11-07: 278lbs 45.5% BF

Yet another pound gone. But that is not why I chose to post today. The reason is something that she said.

She looked down at the scale this morning and said, "Wow I lost another pound! I guess the pressure's really on now!"

Truth be known, it gave me a little bit of a lift to hear that. I was as if she acknowlegded that she is getting results because she has ditched many of her bad habits.

The most important thing here is to see motivation from within. I think she realizes that there are new clothes in her future if she'll stay committed.

I am not bribing her with anything either. I've simply told her that we'll have to adjust her wardrobe as the weight continues to fall off. More importantly, some of the clothes she could no longer fit in are fitting again.

She also confided in me that she hated it at first, but since the New Year she has felt progressively better, less tired and in a better state of mind.

I believe that the typical american doesn't eat enough vegetables and fruit. And by simply making her eat more produce, she's feeling better.

I do expect that she'll fluxuate up or down a few pounds, by the time labor day rolls around in 4 months... I am hoping she'll be down another 40lbs.

To give everyone an idea of what even a moderate amount of weight loss can do, vast improvements in blood pressure, hormone response, blood sugar and cholesterol are seen from as little as a 10-15lb loss.


5-12-07: 276lbs ??.?% BF

She is down to 276lbs as of this morning. Some of this is probably water weight. The scale has gone out... I thought I fixed it but it's broken. We're using a back up scale but it reads the same (no variation, just no BF or water percentage analysis).

We spent the night out last night until 2AM playing pool and talking with friends. She drank wine spritzers and ate no junk food. She even played a few games of pool and enjoyed the time out.

When I woke up around 12pm, she was gone... she showed up 15 minutes later soaking wet with sweat, wearing her walking shoes and her pedometer saying she went out for a 30 minute walk and asked what was for lunch, that she'd made a super smoothie (no sugar) this morning for herself when she got up and was starving.

I fed her a quick snack and then some soup and a salad.

We're about to go walking at the mall and I hope that we can find a new digital scale.

I've also got her to help me with gardening today. I am hoping that the trend continues because it would be so great to have her back!

Good luck to all and feel free to drop me a line anytime.



5-23-07: 275lbs ??.?% BF

So I haven't gotten a body fat capable scale yet. It's in the works. But Rhonda has dropped another few pounds. This was after I went away to New Orleans for 6 days and she didn't gain any weight. She also said she went for her walks and ate breakfast and healthy options.

She had to buy some new pants and an old pair she barely fit into are now falling off her. It's amazing what losing some weight can do to your body. She seems very motivated and I am hoping she stays that way.

I'm having to transition her to being self motivated as my work may take me from home frequently and I can't afford for her not to be self sufficient in cooking and exercise if I am gone for a week at a time.

That's all she wrote for today. But I am sure she'll keep losing. I'm proud of her and told her so. I also brought her back a cute pink cowgirl hat from new orleans... you never have to worry that it won't fit and told her that I hope she'll wear it when she gets down to a suitable weight to go ride horses with me.

Crash

6-2-07: 273lbs ??.?% BF

Yep, it's a fact she's lost another 2 lbs. She weighed this 2 days ago and weighed it again today, so I am logging it.

More to the point, the belt she obtained when she bought some pants has now gone from the third notch to the first notch on the belt and it's loose.

Today we are going to the pool and we will do some laying out and some light swimming.

Last night, she got dressed up and we went out with friends to a Jazz concert and then hit a dive bar and played pool. For those of you who have fat partners, sometimes a lack of desire for socialization is a problem. Rhonda is feeling better about herself and is going out. I would also mention she didn't bother drinking or eating empty calories, she stuck with ice tea and did really well.

We had super chili for breakfast with whole grain crackers. It's really good. I hope you all will try it.


6-15-07: 269lbs ??.?% BF

She's broken another marker and I am very proud of her. The mindless eating has subsided in large part. Next weekend we are going canoing down a local river for 5 miles... and it was her plan.

She is much wiser about her food choices and I've noticed she doesn't choose things that are going to set her back.

Tomorrow we'll be at the local YMCA for swimming and sunning. Yeah, she's overweight, but even fat people like the water. And as far as I am concerned, so long as she is working her ass off (pun definitely intended) then I am happy to go places with her.

Tonite is a soup and salad night with lean dry rub barbecued pork loin. Protein at night helps maintain some muscle mass.

Incidentally, she got a new job which she started last week. Turns out she has time in the mornings to work out now. So we will both be going together in the near future. I am expecting the weight to come off twice as fast once regular cardio and weights are added to her mix.


6-30-07: 263lbs ??.?% BF

This is the lowest she's been in the last two years. Of course, I do think it has something to do with the fact that she has eaten very little at work with her new job in the ER at the hospital. They don't tend to get to eat a lot in that department... and even if you eat 5 cliff builder bars that's still only 1500 calories for a person who is burning that much during the day lifting people onto gurneys and practically running from station to station.

I'm thinking she is going to be at this weight for another week or so at least. However, I am worried that some of the weight she is losing is her muscle mass. And while she could probably lose a little, I don't want it to deteriorate.

Work outs have been okay for her, but she's not getting enough time in the mornings. I've got to find a way to wake her up and get her revving faster.

But you can't argue with progress...

Incidentally, she got a new incentive to get fit faster. It turns out that my first wife (who happens to be smoking hot) is going to the same wedding I am the best man for in Ecuador.... 14,000 feet above sea level. My first wife (I don't call her an EX, because she wasn't a witch and I think the world of her, so she's simply a first wife) told me she'll be there and is looking forward to seeing me and my new woman and invited us to join her on the beach in Esmeraldas. That means that Rhonda has to really step up her efforts to be able to fit in with my friends and the crowd I hung out with. They are all very active and very healthy people... and the beach area we're going to hit happens to be clothing optional.

I feel like going outside and hiking in Valley Forge National Park. So I'll see you guys later. Hope all is well with everyone and keep positive. It is doable and it is possible to get your life back. She's dropped 20lbs in two months... most of it blubber. There are no excuses only results.



8-11-07: 260lbs ??.?% BF

So plateaus suck... they really really do. Her weight loss has stalled out and it's not due to cheating. It's due to the ability of the human body to adapt.

So I am posting changes to what she is doing.

As it turns out the diet is going to shift as well... as she is going to be on a weight training program shortly.

The good news is that she is still committed and saw some VERY fat people at the Zoo this weekend. She looked over at me and said, "I'd have been that big if you hadn't stepped in!" I just smiled and nodded.

Now it's true she's about 100lbs still overweight, but the fact is that she's still working to drop it. It's not as fast as I would like it, but her clothes are fitting looser.

Some positive behaviors she's adopted firmly:

-Eating breakfast.
-Using stairs instead of taking the elevator everywhere.
-Measuring portions of food.
-Weighing everyday.
-Drinking more water.

In order to break her plateau... we've put her on the USMC daily 16 workout that was posted. She's not capable of finishing the whole thing yet, but I am working with her to get the fitness tuned up so that she can complete what is essentially a USMC "WARM UP" for a real workout.

It's a rough prospect but the catch it to push everyday and leave nothing undone... even if it takes you twice as long to finish a workout.

Anyway, I'll post again in two weeks with results.

10-21-07: 255lbs ??.?% BF

Well Rhonda is breaking the plateau slowly. It's hard work. Her body is in the process of reshaping. She's reshaping her body so that now she's down a size and has had to buy new bras. It's a beautiful thing.

The size 22 pants are now fitting losely and she'll be in size 20's very soon. I'm extremely proud of her efforts.

The exercise route has been hard for her. She's missed several days and the daily 16 has been leaving her very sore.

Why is this study more scientific when it comes to the fat gene argument?

More scientific study on genetics:
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Diet/story?id=2802503

Why is this study more scientific when it comes to the fat gene argument? Because Scientists studied the actual "fat gene" in 300 different people who became severely obese at a young age.

Only 3% had a "fat gene" problem.

As opposed to the study where people just basically looked at the differences in twins and didn't actually test anyone's hormones.

You might ask why this is more significant. This is only 300 people as opposed to 5,000 sets of twins. Wouldn't the larger number create a better cross section? Not necessarily. You can take a million people and not have proper methodology. i.e. correlation is not the same as causation.

Everyone knows different people have different metabolisms, even in the same household. And respond differently to different foods and amounts of foods, so feeding twins the same amount of food (no actual report on WHAT that food was) doesn't tell anyone much of anything, except what everybody already knows.

We also aren't able to account for what the kids are eating when they aren't at home. i.e. school lunches. Or if they are trading lunches with other kids, or if they are going to friends houses and eating junk and playing nintendo. We just don't know. With a study that large, it's highly unlikely these kids were followed around 24/7. This isn't to say overweight kids are automatically eating "bad" by most people's standards and not exercising, but something in what they are eating is affecting them. We can't just behave as if calories and the contents of those calories is meaningless.

Another problem with the 5,000 report is the fact that they didn't report what the actual food was. (likely because that would be impossible) There are too many variables. i.e. there was likely a wide range of foods served in these households, some of them healthy some of them not.

By focusing on the "fat kid" they're ignoring the possibility that the overweight child might have a normal metabolism and the thin child might have a really fast one.

Bottom line the 5,000 kid study has too many variables, which is probably why there are 5,000 kids to try to balance that out. But with the 300 person study we're isolating the ACTUAL "fat gene." As opposed to just assuming the same environment affecting two different kids differently means "healthy food plus exercise equals fat kids anyway" (actually the study didn't assume that, only the people who read the study)


Yoga Nut is a regular contributer to My Fat Spouse

Hating the FA movement and the message it is spreading amongst young women by Mary45

The bloggist "She Dances On The Sand" asks in a recent post why so many formerly fat women hate the FA so much. I'm one of those formerly fat women who is very upset by them, so I'll explain the reasons for my hatred.

Here is a copy-paste form the homepage of The World Health Organisation

Online Q&A
16 November 2006
What are the health consequences of being overweight?

Question and answer archives

Q: What are the health consequences of being overweight?

A: The latest WHO projections indicate that at least one in three of the world's adult population is overweight and almost one in 10 is obese. Additionally there are over 20 million children under age five who are overweight.

Being overweight or obese can have a serious impact on health. Carrying extra fat leads to serious health consequences such as cardiovascular disease (mainly heart disease and stroke), type 2 diabetes, musculoskeletal disorders like osteoarthritis, and some cancers (endometrial, breast and colon). These conditions cause premature death and substantial disability.

What is not widely known is that the risk of health problems starts when someone is only very slightly overweight, and that the likelihood of problems increases as someone becomes more and more overweight. Many of these conditions cause long-term suffering for individuals and families. In addition, the costs for the health care system can be extremely high.

The good news is that overweight and obesity are largely preventable. The key to success is to achieve an energy balance between calories consumed on one hand, and calories used on the other hand.

To reach this goal, people can limit energy intake from total fats and shift fat consumption away from saturated fats to unsaturated fats; increase consumption of fruit and vegetables, as well as legumes, whole grains and nuts; and limit their intake of sugars. And to increase calories used, people can boost their levels of physical activity - to at least 30 minutes of regular, moderate-intensity activity on most days.


I could leave it at that, but to clarify my very strong views I will relate my personal experiences. 15 years ago when I was at the age of 30 I came to a crossroads in my life. I had been thin through my university years, but had since married, settled down and started building my career in a demanding profession with long hours and little time for rest, exercise and caring for my health. My weight had crept up slowly but steadily about 3 kilos per year, and I had circa 15 kilos excess weight.

I wasn't feeling well and had difficulties sleeping, and at a health check was told by my doctor to lose weight and start an exercise regime. I was offended to have someone tell me I'm "too fat", but on the other hand I had to admit that it was the simple and honest truth. I decided to take my doctor's advice and found a form of exercise that suited my busy schedule and was said to be simple and effective. I started on a jogging-regime with the goal of running a 10k in one go. I also set out to find out about nutrition and how different foods affect your body and you weight. I managed to lose the weight and jogging became my favorite form of exercise and a hobby, something I still do almost every day because of the pleasure it gives me.

Today I'm 45 and my bmi is 21,5. My body is healthy and strong, and I can engage in almost any form of popular sport and physical activity that takes my fancy. I like to go sailing and kayaking, I'm a certified scuba-diver, I have been on a trek in Nepal, I can ski down mosts pists open to the public and I can challenge the guys at my golf-club. I don't need any form of medication whatsoever, and I have recovered from a hysterectomy in record time without any complications or difficulties.

I often wonder, what would my life be like today if I hadn't followed my doctor's advice? My weight would have continued to go up and today I could be morbidly obese. I can't say if I would be suffering from diabetes, cariovascular disease or cancer. Maybe I would, maybe I would not. But my lifestyle and quality of life would be very, very different. I see women of my age every day who are disabled and crippled by their weight. They suffer constant pain and their body has become a prison for life.

When I see young women who are on the brink of obesity I always wish I could walk up to them and tell them to do something now, before it is to late. It's not about how you look, it's about your health. You don't think about your weight as a health-issue when you are young, but when you are older good health is the most important factor when it comes to the quality of your life.

This is my reason for hating the FA and the message it is spreading amongst young women.