tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216718012287727481.post7772932753017741324..comments2023-11-19T04:38:05.335-08:00Comments on My Fat Spouse: I’m asking for your help and I am very serious.My Fat Spousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00432262305393824708noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216718012287727481.post-86106055195378442722011-01-02T20:40:01.766-08:002011-01-02T20:40:01.766-08:00Also, to further my point, you posted:
"I am...Also, to further my point, you posted:<br /><br />"I am frustrated! I have guys checking me out at the grocery store. It makes me feel good. I have guys ask me out when I go out with the girls for a drink after work, despite my wedding ring on. Total strangers give me compliments I haven’t heard from my husband in years. This summer, I have had enough"<br /><br />Can I ask you when the last time you flirted with and complimented your husband? I'm sure with the sound of the resentment in your post, you stopped doing so around the same time he stopped saying them to you. Trust me, as good as those compliments from others felt to you, compliments from you to him will feel great for him, too. He's overweight. I bet his self-esteem has hit rock bottom also. Give him some support and show him you still love him and that you're there for him. That's what marriage is supposed to be about these days, love and support. He's supposed to be your partner in crime (well, maybe not literal crime, but still)! Make him feel like he matters. Basically, treat him the way you want him to treat you, and maybe even try improving communication with him (marriage counseling?) to get those resentments in the open and dealt with in a respectful manner, if the marriage is something you wish to save.<br /><br />Again, just my thoughts on this subject. :)Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12014089654813011011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3216718012287727481.post-55304852770942929722011-01-02T20:28:30.314-08:002011-01-02T20:28:30.314-08:00I understand where you're coming from and I...I understand where you're coming from and I'm sure it is really stressful to be tied to someone who seems to not even care about their own health...<br /><br />but...<br /><br />Unfortunately, the only real way to get your spouse to lose the weight is for him to want to lose it. He's not going to feel remotely motivated by being harped on or made to feel as less of a person, and he's probably not going to feel all that motivated by you threatening to leave him because of his weight. All that says to someone who is overweight (and probably depressed also, considering the sudden lack of interest in a lifestyle he once enjoyed) is that you don't really respect or love him. <br /><br />Something that might work is making him feel attractive and flirting with him. It might be hard if you're grossed out by him, but it would possibly give him more motivation and reason to get into shape and really be sexy for you to get more of that kind of response and attention from you. You can't force the decision on him, and trying to do so will only cause resentment and probably cause him to just give up entirely on the idea... why bother if he's going to lose you anyway and if you're already disgusted with him? <br /><br />Try to show him that you DO love him and that you DO care about him and that you DO want to be around him. He's still a human being, believe it or not, and deep down in there is still the man you fell in love with. There's most likely a reason why he suddenly gave up the gym and why his motivation dwindled. Try to connect with him and help guide him back on track, without calling him out and humiliating him. <br /><br />Think about dating vs marriage. When you're dating someone, just seeing that person is amazing and brightens up your day. You love spending time with that person. You dote on them. You make them feel like they're on top of the world and that they're wanted and sexy, and they do the same for you. Both of you are motivated to be your sexiest and keep that spark alive...<br /><br />What happens when you get married and settle down with each other? Most likely, one or both partners become complacent, comfortable, the flirting dies down, the sexual spark dies down, other things become more pressing and important, seeing your spouse every day might even become a sense of "ugh" instead of the joy it once brought. That attention and feeling of being on top of the world and attractive in the eyes of your loved one kind of dissipates. Try to bring that spark back and maybe, just maybe, he'll wake up and realize he's still the man you fell head over heels for and he can still look like that man, too. <br /><br />Just a thought...Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12014089654813011011noreply@blogger.com