I've been with my wife for about 9 years now. I had just moved to a new area, and the plan was just to date her for a little bit, until something better came along. I know, I know, pretty harsh, and not a good way to start an eventual marriage, but trying to be honest here. Anyway, then she got pregnant. Something very important that I learned, that I try to stress to all my single friends, is that marriage is really not a serious thing at all, at least anymore. Not happy with your spouse? No biggie, divorce is commonplace now, and once it's over with, you're free to move on with your life. Not so with kids. Do not get someone pregnant, or you will never be completely free of her for the rest of your life. Without a doubt, if we didn't have kids together, I would've left her long ago. As a matter of fact, right before we found out, I was starting the breaking up process (I'm not a good breaker-upper, it takes a little time). But then I got the news, and did the "right thing", and 2 more kids later, I'm just completely miserable with my life. And the messed up part, is that it's not some combination of things, it's all her. I love my kids so much, and have a great relationship with them, and we have tons of fun together. I have a good job that I'm happy with, and I'm doing really well there. And I have a few really good friends. I mention this because she thinks I'm unhappy with my life in general, and that she's not to blame at all.
The fat part: She's about 220 right now. She started off somewhere the 140 range, which was okay with me at the time, again, wasn't looking for anything serious. And obviously, the kids took a toll on her. What I don't get, and I'm sure this is a common issue on this board, is how some women gain the pregnancy weight, and as soon as they have the kids they're back down to normal, or close to it. And then others gain 30-40 pounds each time, and it just stays on there. I'm not sure if this is a genetic thing, or more motivational. And she's 5'-4", and just seems to get more sloppy looking every day. Not sure if that's the right term, but her belly just hangs down, and she tries to tuck it into her underwear (which I could use as a sail in a pinch, if my propeller ever broke, by the way). She has multiple chins, and back boobs, and having sex with her is like doing a beanbag chair. What makes things worse, and this certainly isn't her fault, is that I'm pretty skinny (5'-10, 155, I'm a little too thin, I'd like to get to 165 eventually, but a good 165). I get decent exercise, but it's more that I watch what I eat. So if I'm with a skinny girl we look pretty good, and along the same lines, if she was with a big stocky guy it would be better. But together we look freaking ridiculous. Maybe I'm making excuses, regardless, I'm embarrassed to go out in public with her. Which sucks, because I have a lot of work functions that I'd like to bring her to, and also my friends sometimes bring their wives/girlfriends out with them, although there's a double whammy there, because they all hate her, due to the bitch part. Furthermore, I can't do anything physical with her, because she has no stamina whatsoever. I'm not sure if there's any Adam Sandler fans out there, but if you search for "Fatty McGee" on youtube, that's literally what she sounds like going up the stairs (out of breath and wheezing). Up one flight of stairs! I could go on about the fatness, and maybe I will in future posts, but this is getting rather long as it is.
Briefly, with the lazy/bitchiness: She's a "stay at home mom", because she's failed in 3 or 4 attempts at school, so therefore it's more cost effective for her to stay home with the kids (also, she refuses to get a job). Not that I don't want her home with the kids, I think that's better for them, in theory. Unfortunately, she doesn't do anything with them, besides the obligatory feeding, and diaper changes for the baby. I'm curious to hear what other people think being a stay at home mom, or dad, entails. Our neighbors are in a similar situation. The husband works, and does the outdoor chores (mowing, etc.) and repairs, stuff like that. The wife cleans the house (and does a good job, from what I've seen), laundry, takes care of the kids during the day, and dinner waiting for when the dad gets home.
My wife: next to nothing. I say next to, because every two weeks or so, she'll have one good, motivated day where she'll get a few hours of cleaning done. I'm not exaggerating, or being sarcastic, it's almost like clockwork. She'll also wash and dry the laundry, but leave it in baskets so either I wear wrinkled clothes to work, or do it myself. Every day I come home from work (except for that glorious second and fourth Tuesday) to just a complete disaster zone of a house. I realize that could mean anything, but it's pretty bad. Dishes stacked out of the sink, papers all over the table, just crap all over the floor, my 1 year old daughter's knees are dirty from crawling on the filthy floor. Anyway, it's not good. So I get home at 5:30, have to immediately cook dinner for everyone, play with the kids for an hour or so, get them ready for bed, then try to make a dent in the mess. On weekends, I try to balance cleaning with doing stimulating stuff with the kids to make up for them sitting around the house watching tv all day while I'm at work. Again, I could go on, but that should be plenty to get a pretty good picture.
Hopefully briefly for real this time: She's just a nasty person. She's got this phony "cutesy" persona that she pulls on her friends, but everyone sees the real her eventually. She is awful to me, the way she speaks to me sometimes, I don't know, it's indescribable, but I have the feeling that at least a couple of you reading this are nodding their heads. And she flips out all the time, and just screams at whoever's in range; I usually take the brunt of it, but the kids have gotten it a few times, and not to overuse a word, but that's pretty awful too. I should probably have mentioned this by now, but she's also bi-polar, which is really the icing on the cake. Anyway, that's the big reason for the freak outs.
So, why do I stay with this horrible person? Because of the kids, again, probably a common theme here. I don't want to share them with her, and I also think they'll suffer if they have to live with her, without someone keeping an eye on things. It would be nice if a judge knew how things really were, and maybe I'd have some luck with that, but I can't risk getting screwed like so many of the actual decent dads out there have been. I know I need some sort of exit strategy, and should compile evidence and stuff. I probably should've started this post with that, and asking for advice. Mostly I just needed to vent though. Well, I guess feel a little better now. If anyone has any advice, or maybe just a similar situation, I'd really appreciate any feedback.
Thank you!
posted by chris50 on Matilda Tuesday's My Fat Spouse Forum
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